Claver and Converse

La Règle du jeu

2011-08-20T21:39:00.000-07:00

La Règle du jeu. I have more love for this movie than for almost any other.

I consider it such a great movie that I imagine I'll be returning to it until I'm either dead or such an old man that I can't see or hear anymore. Renoir & all his colleagues cram centuries of high comic tradition into a Modernist farce that only appears as if it were spinning out of control. In fact, it's a completely controlled tragicomedy in which chance, or fate, is the prime mover.

All other social or cultural anchors -- love, honor, class strata, even classical distinctions between literary genres -- are dismantled in La Règle. The title is doubly ironic: The social classes had their rules in pre-WWI Europe, love had its rules, comedy & tragedy had their rules. Renoir smashes these rules into pieces. La Règle in 1939 points the way to the absurdist strain in Modernism. The animal hunt is a deft visualization of the slaughter during the Great War & the slaughter to come -- warfare on land (the rabbits) & in the air (the birds).

The idea of the disintegration of class distinctions, of relationships teeming with infidelity & jealousy, had been around since Musset (whose "Les Caprices de Marianne" Renoir used as a springboard) & Beaumarchais & Molière. But La Règle riffs on that theme & goes it one better, or more shocking: Not only in ignobility are all classes leveled, the way all cats are the same color at night, but civilization becomes a witches' sabbath, in which sentiment is juxtaposed with raunchy sex chases, heroes like the aviator are turned into victims of mischief, & the intricate organizing impulse of society itself crumbles into a mayhem of poaching (animal & sexual) & killing.

The immoral was the moral of earlier literature, but in La Règle it's the revelrous commingling of the immoral with the amoral. That's what makes the movie so modern.

Movie Epics

2011-05-21T13:47:00.000-07:00

I think of movie epics as being visionary, crazed, obsessional: Gance's NAPOLEON, for example, or Bertolucci's NOVECENTO or Griffith's INTOLERANCE. Directors are sometimes driven crazy when they work with the epic form; they become obsessed with trying to explode the confines of movie narrative. Great directors like Griffith or Gance, who work on vast scales, are usually trying to make the greatest movie ever made. They're Beethovenian: they're confident that they'll be remembered for generations. They'll try anything onscreen in order to elicit awe in us viewers, & they stamp every scene with their own unhinged personalities. They're hell-bent on expressing their ideas by breaking old rules & forging new ones.

A film epic is more than just a long movie with a gallery of characters drifting in & out of the story. The Peter Jackson Tolkien movies are too predictable & conventional to be called true epics. They're middle-class expressions of reactionary storytelling. The lengthy battle scenes are sodden, even soporific. I've never seen anything blander than Jackson's slow-motion technique, & probably five of the nine hours are in slow-motion. It isn't cathartic or compelling; it's just vapid. Those Tolkien movies lack the daftness, the idiosyncrasy, of the work of the hallowed directors. They're nothing but spittle when measured against Tarkovsky's truly visionary ANDREI RUBLEV.

Gastronomy and Literature: The Perfect Mix

2011-04-15T15:50:00.000-07:00

My favorite books are those that include food in some form, preferably in full descriptions of the way it was prepared and how it was presented.

So much of social interactions these days involves food. I'm talking about when people actually get together and talk, not fake communication like Facebook and other so-called 'social media'. Before long, if today's trend continues, no one will talk face to face (forget Skype-type chat), instead relying on impersonal contacts, if that.

Unlike so many people I know, I still read books. Real books, not e-book readers. Poetry is my latest passion. Recently I thought about all the wonderful food written about in the many books I've read. Here are my five favorite references to food:

1. 'Strawberries, and only strawberries...the best fruit in England', in Jane Austen's Emma.

2. The meal at the college Oxbridge, with its sole, partridges and pudding, in Virginia Woolf's A Room of One's Own.

3. Cliche, perhaps, but the gorgeous little formed cookies -- madeleines -- from Marcel Proust's Remembrance of Things Past.

4. The 'crusty bread rolls filled with chunks of brie and minced garlic drizzled with olive oil and baked until the brie was bubbly', in Supper, a poem in Garrison Keillor's 77 Love Sonnets.

5. The freshest tomatoes, basil and garlic for pasta, and the wild mushrooms and truffles, in Peter Mayle's A Year in Provence.

For those of you salivating over those food references, and perhaps wanting more, here is the rest of the meal in Keillor's sonnet. It's enough to make you dash to your nearest farmers market and grocery: 'salmon with dill and lemon and whole-wheat couscous baked with garlic and fresh ginger, and a hill of green beans and carrots roasted with honey and tofu.'

Long Day's Journey Into Hot Summer Night

2011-04-10T16:04:00.000-07:00

Raised on robbery: Al Pacino as
the humane, confused Sonny

Sidney Lumet, who died earlier this week, directed Dog Day Afternoon in 1975. Its his best movie. It isn't the greatest thing ever filmed, but it's hugely successful at what it sets out to do: put the audience smack into the middle of a contemporary urban milieu, filtering it all through an honest-to-God hero of our Watergate-era age.

Lumet and his team combine just the right amounts of asphalt realism and expressionist distortion of smoggy afternoon sunlight sinking into a Hopperesque night. In the humid New York summer, the beads of sweat on Sonny's face reflect helicopter searchlights and chugging A/Cs, with their rattling condensers and coils. The tone alternates between the frantic, the comic, and the exhaustedly placid, but still manages to seem completely lifelike. It's one of the few movies I can think of from the 1970s in which the Establishment is treated with respect and truth.

How did Lumet know that, decades later, we'd actually feel nostalgic for our own corrupted '60s youth?

A Woman With No Name

2011-04-01T19:11:00.000-07:00

I lost my name at age 18. That's when I married the first time and took my new husband's last name for my own. From then on, the name I had through childhood disappeared forever. Few of my friends these days even know what it was.

When I divorced, then remarried, I took my second husband's name for my own because I saw no reason to keep the last name of my former husband. So, once again, I became a woman without a name, at least a name that was my own.

Each name change there were papers to update, everything from driver's license to Social Security to legal records, such as mortgages, bank accounts and insurance policies. I was someone else yet again, which further diluted my real being.

It's not bad enough that I have no name, I can't even call my childhood surname my maiden name. I brought that up one time and feminists jumped all over me, saying that was not my maiden name but rather my family name. But it wasn't my family name. My maiden name was my father's surname, and my father deserted me when I was younger than four years old. Why would I want to use his name anyway? He wasn't my family.

The last name I really would like to use is that of my grandfather -- a solid German name carried by great-grandparents, uncles, male cousins, but not me. Besides, if I were to use it now it would look stupid. Sometimes I tell people my middle name is my last name. But that makes no sense either because it's obviously a middle name.

Our name is our identity. Everyone calls us by our names. Without them, we'd all be called Hey-You. When our names are taken away, we become nobodies.

Even though I was a byline reporter for a major California newspaper, I never thought that title represented me. It always was as if someone else had written the stories and had their name between the headline and the first word. I didn't exist. That byline wasn't my name. But it was. And it wasn't because I didn't and don't have a name any longer.

If you men out there think this is nothing, take away your last name and give yourself another one. Then you'll see how you identify with that name you've had since the day you were born. I don't have the name I had from day one.

Not long ago, my husband acquired a coat of arms and story about how and where his surname originated. He proudly displayed the framed print on our bedroom wall. Wasn't that special? For him, yes. For me, it meant nothing. It wasn't my name. It isn't my name. I don't have a name.

Anyone reading this may think I'm an embittered woman, sick and tired of men taking away our names. Not at all. I blame the women for allowing their names to be sucked into oblivion. Why would they do it? Why did I do it? Wanting to get along, I think. Don't mention it, don't stand up and keep your name (if that's the name you want to keep) because the romance may end or become contentious.

Besides, when I married the first time, only a few beatniks were keeping their names. When I married the second time, those were the days when women kept their maiden names and hyphenated them along with their newly married names. Beyond silly. No one knew what their names were. And if they had kids, I can't imagine the confusion.

It's too late for me to do much about my name. Everyone knows me by it now and I'll keep it. At the end, I hope someone will put just my first and middle names on the brass plaque along with my beginning and ending dates. Anything else will not be me.

The Poverty of the Wealth of Nations

2011-03-27T21:57:00.000-07:00

Is capitalism in decline?

At the very least, it seems in need of first aid. Adam Smith, in The Wealth of Nations (1776), himself noted that capitalists are the biggest threat to capitalism. They don't like to compete, and so try to create monopolies and cartels to avoid competition. If they succeed on a large enough scale, capitalism (which is predicated on consumers and choice) ceases to exist. Thus, according to the father of capitalism, capitalists must be regulated.

Remember that capitalism requires consumers and choice, as well as bona fides between participants in a contract. In our society, most of the consumers are (or were) employees. The great capitalist Henry Ford recognized this when he opted to pay his workers an order of magnitude more than the going wages at the time. The businessmen at the time thought he was crazy. His reply was that if his employees couldn't afford his cars, he couldn't sell as many. Ford recognized the connection between his employees and the consumer pool that bought his products.

The problem we have is that most capitalists today no longer seem to see that connection between both the number and the pay scales of their employees and the demand for their own products. The consumer pool consists of all the employees, so it's easy to "cheat." If any individual company gets rid of employees or reduces their wages, the overall pool isn't hurt much. But if every company starts to do this, the economy goes into a negative spiral. Layoffs and salary reductions lead to fewer customers, which leads in turn to more layoffs and salary reductions.

If, during an economic downturn, businesses would reduce their expectations for profit and hence keep their employees on the payroll, the economy would stand a better chance of not falling as deeply, or at least bouncing back more quickly. Game theorists call this type of arrangement the Prisoner's Dilemma. If everyone plays nicely, everyone does better than he would be if he were playing alone. But by cheating, you can get the best of both worlds, as long as you are the only one cheating. Hunter-gatherer societies have strict penalties for those who are caught "cheating." It's clear that in our large, modern societies, we have not yet developed the processes to create and impose sanctions on those who cheat at Prisoner's Dilemma games. As people (investment bankers, hedge fund managers, union leaders, politicians, consumers who borrow more than they can pay back) see others cheating without severe penalties, they start to cheat too -- until the system falls apart.

Carter Family Redux on 3rd Generation CD

2011-03-06T14:50:00.000-08:00

Growing up on farms in Illinois, Wisconsin and Missouri, I listened to the music of the house, namely my grandparents' houses on the various farms. That music was old-time country, specifically the Carter Family, Jimmie Rodgers, Roy Acuff, and others who often appeared at the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville.

While some kids grew up listening to classical, swing and other favorites of the late 1940s and early- to mid-1950s, I took in and learned to love Appalachian folk combined with bluegrass and hill songs, Carter Family country.

A.P. Carter was the songcatcher, roaming the hills of Virginia to find songs that he then adapted to fit what he, his wife Sara, and sister-in-law Maybelle could play and sing, which became the Carter sound. Sara played guitar, Maybelle an autoharp and guitar.

Anyway, the original Carters are long gone as are most of their kids. Now we have the Carter Family III, third generation cousins John Carter Cash (son of June and Johnny Cash) and Dale Jett (son of A.P. and Sara's daughter Janette). Carter Family III has come out with a great album (includes John's wife, Laura Cash), called Past & Present.

I love the CD, which is filled with good, old-fashioned music that would make the Carters proud. I'm a nonbeliever, but I absolutely love their country gospel songs that make up about a quarter of the album. It's available from Amazon for less than $14. Unlike a lot of CDs, there's not a bad song on it.

Hail the Egyptian Protestors

2011-02-11T09:24:00.000-08:00

They did it, those brave Egyptians who started and continued a revolution to remove the corrupt Egyptian president Mubarak.

No one knows what the future will bring for that country where most of its people live in poverty. But anything that pushed out the thief Mubarak (he and his family have taken at least $25 billion to their London house) is good for Egypt.

Now we await other citizens of countries where the leaders are corrupt and are stealing all of its resources to do the same. Think about it, United States. Doesn't that describe this country too?

Porking Out on Energy Subsidies

2011-02-06T12:57:00.000-08:00

It's long past time to strip away all energy subsidies and preferences from the budget and the federal tax code. Let renewable energy and energy-efficient technology compete on a level playing field with the fossil fuels industry. The only way to ensure that level playing field is to completely halt the corporate subsidies.

Republicans are no better than Democrats. Bills passed by a Republican-controlled House and a Democrat-controlled Senate are awash in corporate subsidies, tax breaks, and regulatory preferences.

If a technology is economically competitive, no public subsidies are necessary. Conversely, if there's no demand for a technology, no amount of subsidies will make it so. Let's free energy markets instead of rigging them like a crooked boxing match.

The Real Heroes

2011-02-06T10:57:00.000-08:00

When Americans are asked to name people they most respect and admire, they typically choose from the political, entertainment and sports worlds. Contemporary favorites might include Hillary, Barack or Sarah -- Oprah, Angelina or Justin -- Lebron, Tiger or Peyton. You won't find a single altruistic thought from one of those familiar names.

A list of people I currently admire includes a few who, unlike those named above, perform courageous deeds for others, sometimes at great risk to themselves: Greenpeace and animal-rights activists; Tunisian and Egyptian demonstrators revolting against oppressive dictatorships; Julian Assange of WikiLeaks and his sources like Pvt. Bradley Manning; and members of groups like Code Pink and Veterans for Peace who fight hard to bring an end to what has become endless foreign wars.

As time passes, there will be other names to add to my list, ordinary people doing ordinary and extraordinary things for others.

Simon Says

2011-01-18T22:30:00.000-08:00

One of the greatest film and theater critics of the 20th century, John Simon, is actually blogging.

That such a literate and urbane (and famous) man of letters now resides in the blogosphere is surprising enough. That John Simon is doing so is doubly surprising; up until recently, I suppose, he wrote all his reviews and essays by hand initially, typing them clumsily, with two fingers, on an electric typewriter only after the pieces were finalized.

At any rate, enjoy a remarkable critic with a near-Menckenesque stature.

http://uncensoredsimon.blogspot.com/

It's Taken 20 Years But You Did It

2011-01-01T17:42:00.000-08:00

About time, Clive. You finally admitted that I'm clever.

What a great way to start the new year!

Why Won't Wealthy Liberals Give More?

2011-01-01T10:48:00.001-08:00

Very clever of you, Cassandra, not to explicitly admit that the greedy, selfish people you scorn in your post are many of them Liberals, as studies have shown.

Liberals proclaim their generosity and their humanity, and the rest of the country probably believes them. It's become a cultural meme: an unexamined assumption that spreads like a virus and never gets questioned or validated with actual data.

As it turns out, however, Liberals aren't quite so generous with their wealth as they want us to believe.

Arthur Brooks, the author of Who Really Cares: The Surprising Truth About Compassionate Conservatism, says that "when you look at the data, it turns out the conservatives give about 30 percent more." Brooks adds, "And incidentally, conservative-headed families make slightly less money [approximately 6 percent less than Liberals]." The differences between conservative generosity and Liberal generosity stretch beyond money: for example, conservatives are 18 percent more likely to donate blood.

Brooks: "You find that people who believe it's the government's job to make incomes more equal, are far less likely to give their money away." In fact, he writes, people who disagree that the government should redistribute income are 27 percent more likely to give to charity.

So stick that in your stockings, Libs.

Coal In Your Stockings, Blackhearts

2010-12-22T14:42:00.000-08:00

At some point, you have to say there are many millions of people in this country who care only about themselves. How else can you explain the black hearts of the following:

1) Those who supported tax cuts for the rich. We were talking about a measly four percent higher tax rate, actually exactly the same as the Clinton years when the super rich got richer and richer without the tax cut. How could four percent be so horrible? That bunch doesn't know how to spend the money they have now. And don't tell me they're the "job creators" and they will hire now that they know how high their taxes will be. Not true during the past 10 years when they had their oh-so-important tax cuts. Does anyone remember the term "robber barons."

2) President Obama. There are many reasons for wanting coal in the stocking of our country's CEO, but I will stick with the wars that he continues to fight with the help of volunteer soldiers who can't get jobs anywhere else. (The wars would have ended long ago if there had been a draft.) Not only do we have wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, but there are military actions (wars) also in Yemen, Africa, Pakistan, and Colombia. Where else we have only to guess.

3) Anyone who didn't want Don't Ask, Don't Tell repealed. What are they afraid of? If you were in the military, how would you like it if your loved one could not see you off to fight in a far-off war or visit you openly in the hospital if you were injured? This issue was much like back when blacks could fight but couldn't be included in white squadrons and the like. I'm straight and I'm married and I'm not afraid of gays threatening either in any way. To think otherwise would be part of a mental illness.

4) Anyone who doesn't think about how others might be living. If you have a nice home, eat well, wear good clothes, drive a good car, etc., why would you think everyone else does or could have the same? Only someone with a black heart would not think about the poor children, disabled (including those with mental illness), the homeless, the homeless animals.

5) Anyone who continues to fight the Civil War, hoping over and over that blacks will once again be pushed to the back of the bus.

6) Politicians taking credit for passing the 9/11 health bill, all $4.3 billion of it over 10 years, making 430 million per year available to help. How far do you think that will go when it's to cover health issues for thousands of first responders to the New York City attacks in 2001? Only ones to benefit will be early claimants. The rest are screwed.

My list could continue, including aforementioned politicians and the rest who I believe to be experienced liars and nothing more. But I'll stop here and instead give you a short list of those who should receive sweets from Santa because they don't follow the sheep, don't think only about themselves. In other words, they have kind hearts.

1) Anyone who donates to an individual or family in their community who won't have enough to eat this weekend or who can't ever participate in holiday gift-giving.

2) Anyone who adopts an animal that won't make it through the holidays otherwise.

3) Anyone who hopes 2011 will see an end to the wars, to the maiming and killing of American soldiers along with civilians who live in the countries in the middle of "nation building."

4) Anyone who doesn't harbor petty jealousies. We wouldn't have many of the money problems we have now but for those who spend what they don't have to try to look like the rich. Who wants to look like the rich or have what they have? They're blackhearts, not to be admired.

Happy, happy to everyone for the new year.

Straw Tax Men vs. the FairTax Plan

2010-12-18T09:47:00.000-08:00

Your sarcastic hyperbole is duly noted, Cassandra.

Cutting taxes (like next year's delightful move to cut the Social Security payroll tax from 6.2 percent to 4.2 percent) is only half the picture. The other half is, of course, cutting spending. A government that doesn't spend as much is a government that doesn't need to tax as much.

In any responsible and sane conception of government, taxes must be collected to pay for certain services. The question that divides the country is which services are legitimate purposes of government. Maintaining an armed force for national defense is a legitimate purpose, as is providing social safety nets for the downtrodden and the hapless. Subsidizing corporations and markets in the private sector (like farms, auto factories, and banks) is not a legitimate purpose of government. There are hundreds of other illegitimate, unjust, and harmful acts in which the government is continually engaged--but statists and Left-wingers practically never discuss those acts in any serious way.

Maybe one day, this country will do away with all taxes on income and earnings, and instead tax consumption in a well-managed, sensible way. I'm a new proponent of the FairTax (www.FairTax.org). Let's hope that HR 25 and S 296 are passed, and that a new era of prosperity, legitimacy, fairness, and responsible spending is ushered in.

Tax Cuts, The Final Solution

2010-12-16T16:59:00.000-08:00

Ask any Republican, and now any Democrat, what should be done to boost our economy and create jobs, and the answer is always tax cuts, in particular extending the Bush tax cuts from 2001 and 2003. After all, they've done a heckuva job, haven't they? We should keep what's working, shouldn't we?

Let's say tax cuts really are the end all, be all. Then why not eliminate all taxes. Think how great the economy would be then. Everyone who wants to work would work again. Everyone who wants to buy a house will have the money to buy one. All workers could keep all of their money, not pay those pesky Social Security taxes, Medicare taxes, income taxes. They wouldn't have to pay property taxes, gasoline taxes, on and on.

Lots of pluses to this no-tax solution: No politicians, no wars, no subsidies, no unemployment compensation, no schools, on and on. Why, I ask, is anyone fighting these tax cuts? So simple, so easy.

My Fifteen Favorite Movies

2010-11-28T16:30:00.000-08:00

At least for the time being . . . .

The Golden Coach (1953)
The Man on the Flying Trapeze (1935)

Henry V (1944)

Hana & Alice (2004)

The Tales of Hoffmann (1951)

Hail the Conquering Hero (1944)
Fist in the Pocket (1965)
Ugetsu (1953)
The Letter (1940)
The Thief of Bagdad (1924)
The Earrings of Madame de ... (1953)

The Wizard of Oz (1939)

Morocco (1930)
The Big Sleep (1946)
His Girl Friday (1940)

Impeach President Obama II

2010-11-24T14:31:00.001-08:00

There are those who challenged my last post about firing President Obama. They ask whether I have any legal reasons for impeachment, if I was being histrionic, if I was being reactionary. I'll leave the last two characterizations for others to decide.

As to reasons for impeachment of a president, we learned at the end of the last century that it's not necessary to have strong, even legal, criteria for such an action. Nowhere in our laws will you find listed a blowjob in a side room off the Oval Office of the White House as a reason for a presidential impeachment. Yes, I know, the stated reason given by the Ken Starr investigation was that President Clinton lied about the affair. Wouldn't you? Besides, how does a lie about a sexual act compare to starting a war based on lies -- no impeachment for Bush, was there?

Following are actions Obama has done to warrant my wrath, none of which may satisfy legal requirements for impeachment. But I can hope, can't I? This is hard for me to say because the last president and members of Congress, both Republican and Democratic, are such liars and have done so much to destroy this country. Still, it's Obama who's in office now. Here is my list about Obama's wrong choices:

1. Has not ended either war, in fact escalating the one in Afghanistan and drone bombing in other countries.

2. Has not ended Don't Ask, Don't Tell -- first American injured in Iraq war was a gay Marine (lost his leg 3 hours after war started and his livelihood when he came out).

3. Has not signed by executive order a dictate to end (he can do it) the discharging of soldiers who have been outed.

4. Has not closed Guantanamo.

5. Has not ended CIA rendition.

6. Has not established new (protected) wildlife refuges, parks or forests.

7. Kept Bush's Secretary of Defense.

8. Named Geithner and Summers to Treasury, knowing they were part of the Wall Street establishment that helped to lead the financial collapse.

9. Bailed out General Motors and Chrysler instead of letting them fall as real capitalism dictates.

10. Continued to bail out banks and insurance companies even though TARP started under Bush.

11. Created Cash for Clunkers, against free market ideals.

12. Named Cabinet members who are not qualified, much the same as was done under the Bush regime.

A dozen reasons are enough for now. There are at least a dozen more to follow at some point. If you have reasons for liking what the president is doing, let us know.

Impeach President Obama

2010-11-19T15:12:00.000-08:00

This week we learned that the military is sending the biggest tanks ever into Afghanistan to continue fighting that insane war. Such tanks have long been part of combat in Iraq, but they've been kept out of the Afghanistan War efforts until now. Why I don't know, except perhaps they were all in Iraq until recently.

President Obama is commander in chief of military forces and operations. He would have been consulted on the deployment of the tanks and he would have given his OK to such a tactic, which I believe will further escalate casualties for American soldiers and Afghan civilians.

I was a big supporter of Obama in 2008. I mean, who wouldn't want someone as our president who said he would correct the abuses, fraud and downright crimes of the Bush administration? But he was a liar then and he's a liar now. He is doing exactly what Bush did only with more thievery, pillaging and warmongering. We can wait until he loses in 2012 or we can hope to get rid of him now. I choose now. With Republicans leading the House in a few weeks, impeaching Obama might very well be at the top of their list of things to do.

With that said, there is one problem to all of this: Joe Biden. He would become president if Obama is impeached. Biden is a loser beyond belief. He never did anything as a senator for many years and has done even less as vice-president. Even worse, what he does do is against American interests. For example, these days he's going around the country, sometimes with his pal, turncoat Joe Lieberman, expounding the wonders of the scan machines at airports because he and Lieberman have "friends" who own the company that produces the machines. (Former Homeland Security director Michael Chertoff represents the company, as well.)

So you see, even though Obama could be impeached -- possibly -- we're still screwed. Will Sarah Palin win in 2012? I don't know. But I do know that if she does, we will know what we're getting. Fool me once . . .

Comparative Disadvantages

2010-11-13T21:01:00.000-08:00

I part company with the Libertarian-minded on the issue of international trade.

As long as the United States has minimum wage laws, there's no way to stop offshoring under any plan to remove trade barriers--as Obama and hundreds of business leaders are trying to do. We have wage and hour laws in the United States to create and maintain a middle class, and to establish a basic standard of living. For good reasons, we don't want to be a sweatshop economy, to revert to the way things were in the early decades of the Industrial Revolution.

The problem with free trade is that it forces Americans to compete with factory workers in low-wage countries. Tariffs--taxes on imports--help rectify the imbalance: they are designed to neutralize the "comparative advantage" created by economies overseas that pay large sectors of their work force 40 cents an hour.

These tariffs would be targeted--they would not apply to countries with minimum wage laws, such as Canada, Germany, Australia, Britain, France, or Japan. Once these tariffs are in place, we Americans could--and should--once again build manufacturing plants in all sorts of fantastic new industries generated by private sector ingenuity and research.

Technology does replace people, in any robust economy. But in a protected domestic economy, those people would be hired for other work in the flourishing industries. When free trade policies with sweatshop economies in Asia, Indonesia, South America, and Africa send American workers home to collect unemployment checks, does it really matter whether the president and all those business leaders crow about "growth"?

Georgie, Porgie, Puddin' & Pie

2010-11-11T09:34:00.000-08:00

War-lover George The Second is out there trying to pump up his legacy after leaving office as one of the worst presidents in U.S. history. Does he think that we've all contracted amnesia?

I read about Georgie Boy BEFORE he ran for president. In one book he is quoted as saying that if he ever had the chance, he would go back into Iraq to complete the job he thought his daddy left unfinished in the first Gulf war. He said the worst day in his life -- up to that point -- was the day his daddy said he wouldn't go into Baghdad because it would mire down U.S. forces. Bush had plans to go into Iraq long before September 11, 2001. (For those who have lost all reasoning, no one from Iraq had anything to do with the September 11 attacks.)

On a tour to promote his new book, W tells a different story about why he sent troops to die and be maimed in Iraq. None of it makes any sense, of course, but that's never bothered the boy born and raised in New England and who pretends to be a Texan. Everything is a fantasy world to Bush. That's not surprising because drunks and dry drunks rarely tell the truth. Lying is part of their day-to-day life. He looks so honest when he's talking about plain old dog shit, doesn't he? Wouldn't you like to share a Texas-sized burrito with him? He's just like you, right?

Needless to say, I won't be buying such a book of fiction. And anyone who does has the memory of a gnat.

Let's Get It Right: Libertarians and War

2010-11-10T21:22:00.000-08:00

"With your strict Libertarian ideals and values, where you are against all foreign wars, I await your actions in the Senate ..."

Let's get it right, Cassandra. There is no Libertarian tenet against "all foreign wars." You have mischaracterized Libertarianism. There is a fundamental Libertarian tenet against initiating force -- which applies to both individuals and nations -- but clearly that wouldn't affect a person's or a country's legitimate right to self-defense.

Rand Paul said that invading Iraq was the "wrong thing to do" not because it was a foreign war but because it was, in his view, an initiation of force. Paul did support the initial attack on Afghanistan, believing it was a legitimate use of force as a response to an attack on American soil.

In the eight or nine years since the invasion of Afghanistan, Paul, like so many other Americans, thinks that the Afghan War has turned into a policing and nation-building mire. Paul's views on the wars in no way contradict classic Libertarian politics.

Countin' On You, Rand Paul

2010-11-08T13:48:00.000-08:00

I can't wait.

Mr. Rand Paul, you will be sworn in as Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky in January. With your strict Libertarian ideals and values, where you are against all foreign wars, I await your actions in the Senate where you will do everything you can to block funding for the two wars now being conducted by the current president. With the crazy Senate rules, where one senator can block any bill (even anonymously), you will have an opportunity to stop providing billions of dollars for the no-end-in-sight wars in the Middle East.

Oh, and Mr. Paul, I understand you are against agriculture subsidies. I await your action to stop all such subsidies and giveaways to big business.

If you work things right, you may be the best person to fight the corruption in D.C. I'll reserve judgment about other issues in our nation's capitol and how you fit into the equation. Good luck.

I'll Trade Ya

2010-11-06T11:57:00.001-07:00

Gee, look at all the great contracts being inked between U.S. and Indian companies.

www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/asiapcf/11/06/india.obama.trip/index.html?hpt=T2

Does anyone really believe that increased trade will benefit American workers? (It may benefit American consumers, but even they don't much like trying to understand the impenetrably thick accents of the phone operators in the overseas call centers.) These overseas presidential junkets cost U.S. taxpayers a lot of money. That's a scandalous injustice because these trips are almost always intended to negotiate trade deals in foreign countries, which, as everyone knows, result in MORE offshoring and MORE layoffs here at home.

Since the big honcho CEOs in the story support this trade trip, let THEM pay for it.

Heal Thyself

2010-09-01T11:01:00.000-07:00

Friends ask me why I don't go to doctors. I do have osteoarthritis in my knees, which prompts the next question about why I don't have replacement surgery. My answer to both questions is that I want to give my body the chance to take me as far as it will without all the prodding, pills and punctures.

I enjoy a wonderful quality of life, rarely if ever thinking about my health. Except for the knees, I'm amazingly healthy with only an occasional cold. My thinking on the subject is this: If I were to discover some disease or major illness, the rest of my days would be spent fretting and dealing with such a diagnosis (or misdiagnosis). And even if it were real, I find letting things be gets me from day to day with a great outlook on life and a feeling of peace.

It's not that I've never gone to physicians or that I have a phobia about seeing them. After all, I've had five major surgeries, the latest almost 30 years ago. And the last time I went to see a doctor, almost four years ago, I had a suspicious mole, which my GP removed. (Biopsy showed it was benign.) What I don't do are the yearly checkup and the tests that include blood work, blood pressure check and the like. I wait for something specific to occur before I make an appointment.

To set the record straight about my medical preferences, I do think that psychiatrists and chiropractors are quacks. Close family members have been treated by both and I believe the methods of such doctors are suspect at the very least. GPs are my favorite doctors, especially those who actually listen to patients. Beyond that, the more basic medical treatments the better for me. I grew up going to country doctors only for such things as pneumonia or a deep cut from barbed wire. Too many tests these days. Too many procedures.

For many years, I said that if I were to reach a certain age -- no, I won't say what age -- that everything after that would be gravy. I reached that age three years ago. We'll see what the future brings.

Growing the State

2010-07-26T18:30:00.000-07:00

Yet another Liberal has put himself in hot water, and by doing so has betrayed the ideals of his political philosophy.

Charlie Rangel's been busy, by all accounts: failing to declare hundreds of thousands of dollars in assets, shadily raising money to build a private center named after him, taking expensive trips to the Caribbean on the public dime.

Liberals obviously don't believe in liberty. They believe in control. And to increase control, they favor the exponential growth of the State. It amazes me that people I know--including our very own Cassandra--rail against the corruption of the government in one sentence, but in the very next, advocate the increased growth of the State by every possible means, including the centralizing of huge industries and the raising of taxes.

The only way to control the corruption that is inherent in the State is to control the size of the State. How many times does that need to be said before benighted Liberals get it?

Wrong Is Wrong, But Wright Is Right

2010-06-28T19:59:00.000-07:00

That abrasive jackass Jeremiah Wright is in the news again for spewing racist cant from the podium a week or two ago.

That's not surprising, of course, but the accuracy of one of his statements actually is.

Wright apparently said that the American education system is built to poorly educate black students "by malignant intent."

Well, he's half right. As everyone knows, the education system is built to poorly educate ALL students by malignant intent.

Washington: Stop Centralizing!

2010-06-20T12:22:00.000-07:00

Joe Barton and Michele Bachmann both made excellent points during last week's Congressional shakedown of BP. Barton's forced apology was hollow and pointless. Washington is supremely incompetent, intrusive, and deleteriously antagonistic toward private business and the free market, and the Feds have no business administering a $20 billion escrow fund for the victims of the oil spill. The fund, as Bill O'Reilly and Laura Ingraham noted, should be overseen by the state governments directly involved, including Louisiana and Florida.

The Obama Administration always jumps at the chance to move in on the private sector, sacking the free market and saddling it with choking regulation and bureaucratic red tape, whether it's banks, investment firms, health insurance companies, or family-owned small businesses.

The last thing the oil spill disaster needs, now or ever, is an escrow fund "czar." Hundreds of fishing and tourism businesses in the Gulf have complained, practically in tears, about the interference that results when their requests for aid have to be cleared through dozens of federal agencies, each with its endless rules and forms. The federal government had the same problems getting decisions made quickly and aid sent on time during the Hurricane Katrina disaster.

So back off, Obama & Co., and let the locals deal directly with BP without having to obtain clearance from the EPA or other federal agencies first.

Movie of the Week: 'Iris'

2010-06-09T11:07:00.000-07:00

Getting old ain't fun. In addition to the physical changes that come about for even the most ardent exercisers, there's always the worry about the mind going, Alzheimer's settling in. The dreaded disease is the theme for "Iris," which is based on the life of British writer Iris Murdoch and stars Judy Dench and Kate Winslet.

Iris was a free spirit, bedding numerous men in the Oxford area of England. She wrote more than 20 novels with the theme being sexual discovery and relationships. As she aged, maybe in her late 60s, she had what she thought was writer's block. Of course, it was the early signs of Alzheimer's. Neither she nor her husband, professor John Bayley, put any importance on cleanliness and organization when she was well. As the disease set in, their house became a shambles with garbage and collections of all types building up around them.

My grandmother had Alzheimer's, and I believe the movie captures the hell both the victim and those who love them go through as the days and years become grayer, more fearful and less connected for the ill one. I recommend "Iris" for anyone who likes good acting and substance in a movie.

Catching Up

2010-06-08T10:46:00.000-07:00

First, it was my rotator cuff out of whack. Second, it was my husband's surgery. And third, it was my baby cat's illness after her dental surgery. All good reasons why I haven't posted anything for so long. So here goes with a few short thoughts.

1. Why would anyone marry Rush Limbaugh, he of Viagra and Oxycontin abuse? Oh, right, the bucks. She will earn them.

2. The Gulf of Mexico oil spill continues and the animals and birds keep dying. Obama says he has ordered 17,000 National Guard troops to the Gulf. Where are they? Where is the oversight of Big Oil? Republicans, Libertarians and, yes, Democrats have gutted regulations in recent years, regulations being a big, bad word much like liberal. Speaking of big and bad, where is Dick Cheney these days? He's usually out in front of cameras bashing Obama. Like his slick, slimy, fellow politico Sarah Palin, he looks like a complete fool and traitor when he has chosen to side with Big Oil over America's interests. Does he hate America? Does Palin hate America?

3. It didn't take long for those who hate big government to come running for handouts, did it? Folks like little Bobby Jindal, for example. And even run-at-the-mouth Michele Bachmann has asked where the government is down in Louisiana, why didn't Obama commandeer boats to help with the spill. Commandeer boats? Well, isn't that government takeover? Whose boats would she commandeer? Another loony who speaks before she thinks. Oh, yes, I forgot. She can't think.

4. Why are so many men puffing up their military history? One guy running in Connecticut, another in Illinois, both of whom were actually in the service but didn't do what they said they did. No doubt they're trying to draw in the fruit loop voters who never served but who promote veterans as heroes so they can keep wars going for nefarious reasons. Those of us who had loved ones in the service -- many in my immediate family -- know that they did their duty because they were forced to by the draft. They never considered themselves to be heroes and wanted to get the hell out as fast as they could. They don't hate those lying these days about their military service. They hate those who lie to get us into wars and those who never served but call for more wars.

5. What's with idiot Rand Paul? He had it made, winning the primary in Kentucky. He had the teapot crowd backing him and all he had to do is sit back and win in November. He may win in November -- it is the south, after all -- but now everyone knows what he really thinks. In a way I feel like a fool because I agreed with about 80 percent of what Libertarians espoused. Now I know they're just racists, bigots and haters like the Limbaughs, Becks and others. Paul never saw the time when someone couldn't get a sandwich at a lunch counter because they were born with a certain skin color. The Whites and Colored drinking fountains at county fairs and parks. He never saw the time when a black man and his wife couldn't get a room at a motel for the night. Paul doesn't care about those times. He cares only about businesses and what they want, no matter how discriminatory all of it might be. I hope he loses, but as I said, it's the south.

Enough for now. Time to get back to the book I'm reading, "The End of the Free Market" by Ian Bremmer. I usually have my nose in an English mystery, but this one caught my eye because of the way world economies are crumbling. Will let you know how it ends.

All for Nothing

2010-05-10T10:45:00.000-07:00

My cousin Ronnie was 19 years old when he died in Quang Tri Province, South Vietnam. He arrived there in August 1969. Forty five days later he was dead, drowned in a rushing river while trying to cross it with a heavy pack on his back.

Recently I checked for Ronnie's name on www.VIRTUALWALL.org, where names and basic information are available through the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. It shows, for example, that he was in the 11th Infantry, his body was recovered, he was a ground casualty, he received a posthumous promotion, and where his name can be found on the Wall in Washington, D.C. All of this is informative, but it doesn't help to bring back the cheerful, intelligent boy I remember so well from the many times we visited him and his family on their Wisconsin farm.

I ask anyone to tell me why he died so far away from home. Does anyone remember why the U.S. went to Vietnam? Why we stayed there? Why we allowed the years to go by as young men died and were maimed by the many thousands? When anyone can answer those questions truthfully, I ask why we went to Afghanistan and Iraq, why we stay there, and why we allow the years to go by as young men and women die and are maimed by the many thousands.

Ronnie would have been 60 years old this year. He did not die to defend our country. He did not die to protect his family. He did not die working on the family farm like his uncle Jerry did. He did die to protect the military industrial complex. He did die to protect politicians. He did die to protect oil interests. He did die to satisfy old men's fantasies. My cousin's death, all for nothing.

Ronnie's mother died a few years after her son, at age 48, a heart attack, they said. We all said she died from a broken heart.

Have I Got A Deal For You

2010-05-08T14:57:00.000-07:00

The wild ride the stock market took this past week was reported by major news outlets with some anchors and reporters asking if 401(k)s are at risk. Duh.

The stock market is gambling, pure and simple. People put their money in the market because they want and expect a greater return on it than what they can get at an FDIC-protected bank. They gamble that over the long run they'll get more out of the market than in a CD, for example. They gamble that they are too uninformed to make good judgments about their own money. They gamble that others are so very smart and will keep their own best interests in mind when handling their money.

Personally, I don't like giving over my money to someone else to decide where they want to place it. I did at one time, just like so many, many others. But these days there are too many variables, too much uncertainty, too many crooks, too many liars. If I want to gamble, I'd have a lot more fun going to the casinos where they offer great buffets and free drinks. At least there I'd have the fun of pulling the slots myself and not giving over everything to Wall Street and Main Street charlatans to play around with, making themselves rich. Cowardly, maybe. Able to sleep soundly each night, for certain.

The Devil Is in the Details

2010-05-08T14:44:00.000-07:00

To those idiots who want the federal government to run healthcare and health insurance, energy, the economy, housing, banking, employment and labor, retirement income, education, urban planning, domestic and international trade, and just about every other human activity under the sun, I say wake up and smell the coffee.

I pull a mailer from the U.S. Postal Service out of the mailbox telling me that Saturday, May 8, is the Stamp Out Hunger Food Drive, run by the National Association of Letter Carriers and the USPS. What is this, I ask myself. I read that the USPS letter carriers will be collecting non-perishable foods to help hungry and poor families in the community. The mailer asks us to put our food donations next to our mailboxes on Saturday, May 8, before our letter carriers arrive with the day's mail. The carriers will take the food to the Post Office, where it will be sorted and then delivered to local food banks and pantries.

What a nice idea, I say to myself. I figure that I have a bunch of canned food I can donate, and head in to bag it up.

And then it hits me.

What day do you suppose I get this mailer delivered to my mailbox?

Drill, Baby, Drill

2010-05-01T15:53:00.000-07:00

The recent oil rig explosion and resulting spill were and are very unfortunate. Lives were tragically lost and the environment has been at least temporarily harmed. Today's oil drilling industry takes numerous precautions to safeguard the drilling "footprint." No system is foolproof; accidents will always happen. The pertinent question is, How often? In the case of offshore explosions and spills, not often at all.

But listening to the uproar over drilling offshore, one would think those critics never bought gasoline, ink, crayons, bubble gum, dishwashing liquid, deodorant, eyeglasses, CDs, DVDs, tires, ammonia, or even heart valves.

Cleaner energies should be developed, and they will be. That is the direction in which the developed world is moving. But before these newer, cleaner, more efficient energies are implemented, we can't just stop using oil, willy-nilly.

Today, here and now, we need oil, and so we have to continue looking for it and drilling -- and buying it from other countries. Sensible people would rather not have to buy oil from other countries, especially since most of those countries are not very friendly to us otherwise. So let's keep drilling for oil, while doing our best to safeguard our refinery crews and our landscapes.

Slimeballs All

2010-04-29T19:12:00.000-07:00

I had written a four-paragraph post about the oil spill, the upcoming environmental destruction in the Gulf, the drill-baby-drill mentality of Limbaugh, Gingrich, Palin, and more. But once I finished, I felt like I had been slimed by the words of those idiots. I just couldn't post it. Plus, the thought of looking at pictures of Palin, Limbaugh or one of the other crazies to include along with my post grossed me out.

That said, I do look forward to Sarah Palin flying into Louisiana to clean oil off the beaches. Can't expect her to clean up the animals because she kills them, evil person that she is. Ultimately, I look forward to the day when that witch (hopefully covered with oil) slinks back to Alaska where she will shut up and have another four or five kids.

Glass Houses

2010-04-25T22:09:00.000-07:00

The SEC-inspired rampage against Goldman Sachs is mob mentality at its scariest. When a mob goes wild, not only does it often wield injustice against the innocent, it also becomes completely blind to its own failings.

How many American consumers have asked themselves personally, in the midst of their feeding frenzy on the blood of the multinationals like Goldman and A.I.G., whether they should have been buying more house than they knew they could afford? A long era of disgustingly easy credit (it was the Age of the Credit Card Offers), low interest rates, and the asinine and irresponsible government policies (including subsidies) to push home ownership on absolutely everyone gave millions of consumers that buzz, that pleasurable anticipation of gluttony sated.

Every one of you who put little to no money down for a first-time -- or a bigger and flashier -- house, regardless of how meager your actual income may have been, share the blame for the collapse of the real estate market and, by extension, the world economy. You took irresponsible advantage of home value bubbles from 1998 to 2006 by borrowing against the equity you had for more and more credit. And for what? For Land Rovers, for swimming pools, for Carnival cruises, for home entertainment centers with 60-inch televisions . . . for brighter, flashier toys than your neighbors had. When you were mortgaged or leveraged to the hilt and the value of your McMansions plummeted, you lost your toys and your homes and even your jobs (because your employers don't operate in a vacuum).

Did you look yourselves in the mirror and say, "I shouldn't have bought all that" or "I shouldn't have borrowed so heavily" or "I shouldn't have eaten every last bit of equity I spent years acquiring"? Nope, you just blamed the Other Guy. And you're blaming him still.

Steeped in Tradition

2010-04-22T10:28:00.000-07:00

The tea party participants have been taking it on the chin -- and worse -- for a year. The Left accuses them of bigotry, racism, and physical violence. The reprehensible, tendentious Rachel Maddow likens them to mass murderers in her recent MSNBC special on Timothy McVeigh.

Tea party critics never address the fundamental and solidly traditional view of the movement: A government that seeks to increase its power over the citizenry in the interests of ensuring their safety and security is no legitimate government at all but a tyranny. If the tea parties constantly bring up the Founding Fathers and the Constitution, it's because the philosophical principles of government and liberty are at the very heart of the tea party movement, and Washington's dangerous straying from those principles animates their anger and anxiety.

My Hero of the Day: Binghamton, NY Mayor

2010-04-17T17:11:00.000-07:00

Matthew Ryan is the mayor of Binghamton, NY. He's sick and tired of the cost of both Middle East wars, the Afghanistan war being the longest in American history. He's tired of having to make decisions about what to keep open in his city, schools or police stations, fire or library. He has determined that the citizens of Binghamton have spent millions of dollars for the wars. So he has decided to install a digital "cost of war" sign in a prominent place to show how much the wars are costing local, state and federal taxpayers. A peace group is paying for the sign.

Good for you, Mayor Ryan. Sometimes I wonder if we're still fighting the wars because no one even talks about them. Fortunately, our local paper lists the dead soldiers from both wars on an almost daily basis. And the national cemetery nearby has weekly interments for dead military. Otherwise, not much is said or done regarding the wars. Congress OKs many billions every few months to keep the slaughter and defense thefts going. And President Obama should be ashamed of himself for lying about pulling out a brigade a month from Iraq 60 days after inauguration and not mentioning that he would direct a surge in Afghanistan. Like his predecessor, he must have no conscience regarding all of those dead soldiers and how the wars are destroying our treasury, all for nothing.

Mayor Matthew Ryan: A hero for our time.

God's Gonna Get Ya

2010-04-15T10:21:00.000-07:00

Comments are often the best part about reading a story on the net. Today, CNN featured a piece about a "massive fireball" over Missouri, Illinois, Wisconsin, and other parts of the Midwest. It particularly interested me for two reasons: 1) I've lived in Missouri, Illinois and Wisconsin. 2) I've seen a large meteorite burn itself out as it crashed in the sea near the Cliff House in San Francisco. But the best part of that story was the comment section. These are my two favorite comments from the many offered:

"I am a member of the Tea Party and I think God is using the fireball to punish the Midwest for being too liberal."

"I'm a liberal and I think god is using the tea party to punish America for being too dumb."

A Breath of Fresh Air

2010-04-11T19:46:00.000-07:00

Peggy Noonan, the invaluable columnist for The Wall Street Journal, wrote a stirring, satisfying column the other day on what one wishes Charles Prince (the former CEO of Citigroup) would have said in his testimony in the Financial Industry Inquiry Commission hearings:

"Let's be real. This is what happened the past ten years. You, for political reasons, both Republicans and Democrats, finagled the mortgage system so that people who make, like, zero dollars a year were given mortgages for $600,000 houses. You got to run around and crow about how, under your watch, everyone became a homeowner. You shook down the tax payer and hoped for the best.

"Democrats did it because they thought it would make everyone Democrats: 'Look what I give you!'

"Republicans did it because they thought it would make everyone Republicans: 'I'm a homeowner, I've got a stake, don't raise my property taxes, get off my lawn!'

"And Wall Street? We went to town, baby. We bundled the mortgages and sold them to fools, or we held them, called them assets, and made believe everyone would pay his mortgage. As if we cared! We invented financial instruments so complicated that no one, even the people who sold them, understood what they were.

"You're finaglers and we're finaglers. I play for dollars, you play for votes. In our own ways we're all thieves. We would be called desperadoes if we weren't so boring, so utterly banal in our soft-jawed, full-jowled selfishness. If there were any justice, we'd be forced to duel, with the peasants of America holding our cloaks. Only we'd both make sure we missed, wouldn't we?"

Peggy again:

"OK, Charles Prince didn't say that. Just wanted to get your blood going. Mr. Prince would never say something so dramatic and intemperate. I made it up. It wasn't on the news because it didn't happen.

"It would be kind of a breath of fresh air, though, wouldn't it?"

Wouldn't it, though?

My Heroes of the Day: Jesse Ventura and Ron Paul

2010-04-11T14:12:00.000-07:00

Former governor Jesse Ventura sat in for Larry King one night last week on the CNN talk show. During one segment, he asked his guests if President Obama is a radical. Each of them gave their opinions, then Jesse gave his. He said, and I'm paraphrasing, that he thought the last president, George W. Bush, was the radical. He then outlined his reasons for such thinking, including Bush's lying to get us into a war with no end. Guest Ron Paul added how America is bankrupting itself because of the war costs. (And I add how horrific it is that so many thousands of precious lives were lost for nothing, absolutely nothing.)

All of this reminded me how perplexed I am these days when I hear Republicans whining and moaning about the cost of health care for American citizens while never uttering a word about free health care for Iraqis, new schools for Iraqis, roads for Iraqis, new hospitals for Iraqis, etc. etc. Do they ever stop to realize there would have been no need for rebuilding such a country without American bombs and guns destroying it in the first place, destroying it to satisfy the military industrial complex? I must also ask the right wing if they hate Americans. If they don't, then why not want the same for American citizens as Iraqi citizens? Don't the red, white and blue of our flag mean as much to them as the colors of the Iraqi flag?

Easy Cooking: White Chocolate Mousse with Raspberry Sauce

2010-04-10T16:31:00.000-07:00

I created this fabulous dessert for a birthday dinner several years ago. Any berry, fresh or frozen, works well for making the sauce, but raspberries provide both the perfect color and flavor accompaniment to the rich mousse.

2 large eggs

1/2 cup white sugar

1/4 cup lemon juice

1/4 pound white chocolate, chopped

1 cup whipping cream, very cold

Raspberry sauce:

1 basket fresh raspberries

3 tablespoons white sugar

For the mousse, whisk the eggs in a saucepan until they're blended. Stir in the 1/2 cup sugar and lemon juice and cook over medium-low heat, stirring the mixture constantly until it's thick enough to coat the back of the spoon.

Take the pan off the heat and stir in the white chocolate until it melts. Set mixture aside to cool, stirring it occasionally.

To whip the cream, put the bowl, beaters of electric mixer and cream in the freezer about 30 minutes before whipping. Whip the cream until stiff peaks form. Fold the whipped cream into the cool white chocolate mixture. Put in the refrigerator at least 1 hour before serving; overnight is OK.

Make the raspberry sauce by cooking the raspberries in a small saucepan over low heat until they're soft, about 10 minutes. Press the cooked raspberries through a strainer to get the juice. Then place the juice and the 3 tablespoons sugar in the saucepan and cook over low heat, stirring the mixture constantly until it's slightly thickened.

Serve the mousse in small dishes or crystal stemware with raspberry sauce in a small pitcher to pour over. Makes 4 to 6 servings.

Isn't It Lucky?

2010-04-10T09:47:00.000-07:00

Saratoga Trunk absolutely rocks.

It has long been my favorite tempestuous costume melodrama from the 1940s, at least out of Hollywood. Sam Wood (Our Town, parts of Gone With the Wind) directed this damn thing, and maintains his consummate mastery from first scene to last. Saratoga Trunk outpaces all its competitors in memorable ludicrousness: GWTW, Forever Amber, The Strange Woman, even the great Jezebel.

As Clio Dulaine, the perky demimondaine prone to occasional bouts of sensory-induced hysteria, Ingrid Bergman gives her greatest performance on film. (Am I alone in that estimation?)

But it's no one-woman show. Gary Cooper -- he of the laconic drawl of the idiot -- makes it all even more enjoyably dorky as the Texan gambler Clint Maroon (he's always stretching his boots out languidly in front of Bergman while she looks down at them, excitedly). Flora Robson, as the prim and pinched maid Angelique, delivers all her lines in a huff (she's worried about the reputation of her charge, who happens to be the feistiest party girl in N'awluns) and Jerry Austin (as the dwarf Cupidon) round out the fascinating grotesqueries. Blend Georgette Heyer with MAD magazine, and that's Saratoga Trunk.

Everything comes vibrantly alive on the screen -- the dialog, the steamy moss-hung sets, the cobwebby Gothic old house haunted by ghosts real or imagined, the satiny photography, and even the music (the main theme is the best melody Max Steiner ever wrote). But it pulsates as artifice rather than as anything you'd encounter in real life. Hollywood melodramas were dependably Brechtian, but Saratoga Trunk deliberately squashes any emotional identification, except in one scene: Clio sings a sexily moist song to Clint in Creole French, and for the first time you get the feeling that art is imitating life. It's a put-on, but an earnest one.

Census Schmensus

2010-04-06T17:04:00.001-07:00

If you haven't filled out the Census for reasons that include mistrusting the government, please consider trashing the form. I live in a Blue State. Because of irresponsible politics, we pay high welfare costs for Red State residents who makes lower salaries than we do. If those of you in a Red State destroy your Census form, that will mean one, two or more fewer people who might be able to get more money out of me sometime in the future. Go for it.

If you reside in a Blue State, and you resist providing stats for the Census, you're probably a Tea Partier, Libertarian or Republican. The fewer of you counted for representation in state and federal government, the better. No need to get out your guns to harass a Census worker, as threatened by CNN spouter Erik Erikson. Just don't answer the door. Of course, I can't say what happens to those who don't fill out the form. I mailed mine in two weeks ago so I'm not concerned. Still, I hope there's a way you can legally figure out how to keep from doing what the big, bad U.S. government asks of you.

That said, I want you to know how much I respect you for refusing any government assistance of any kind, be it Social Security, Mediare, Medicaid, VA benefits, FHA home loan, etc. More power to you because it will leave more for me in the future. You also might want to stay off the public highways because you won't be counted toward future needs in that area either, consequently depriving your area from road repairs and installations. More for me and my Blue State. Hey, this hating the government stuff could be good for me in many areas. Thank you.

Rack 'em Up

2010-03-30T15:10:00.000-07:00

Sarah Palin calls for her supporters to "reload." Rush Limbaugh tells his listeners to get rid of the "bastards" and "take out" the liberals. Fox "News" belittles liberals, comparing them to everything from Socialists to Fascists, making them targets for people who take their words literally. Tea Party groupies attend rallies armed with guns in holsters and others strapped to their backs. Yesterday, Heidi somebody, a blonde radio talk show host in Vegas, said there were 20,000 Tea Partiers in Harry Reid's Nevada hometown last weekend with "40,000 guns" among them. Yikes, 40,000 loaded guns in such a small area.

Of course, this Heidi person exaggerated the numbers because pictures of the event show far fewer than the number of people she boasted about. Still, thousands of guns being paraded about by people looking to eliminate liberals make for a rather frightening prospect for those who admit to being liberal, aka progressive. I'm not really scared. I don't do much to bring on the wrath of anyone. However, I do find it interesting that far right conservatives think they're the only ones with guns. We're armed, too. We just don't parade around with our guns, showing everything we have. And, unlike Palin, we don't put people in our crosshairs.

A friend, who's proud to say he's a bleeding-heart liberal, gave me a gun to protect myself and my loved ones. He has numerous guns and he knows how to use all of them. Almost all of my liberal friends have guns. With right-wing militias increasing in numbers throughout the country (are there left-wing militias?), it's best to be prepared, don't you think? Time to get that piece of steel out of its hiding place, polish it, oil it and get 'er loaded.

In Memoriam

2010-03-26T10:35:00.000-07:00

On this day in 1827, one hundred and eighty-three years ago, Ludwig van Beethoven passed from mortal life into immortal memory. Years of illness had taken their toll on his body and spirit. With his profound reserves of strength, however, Beethoven composed masterpiece upon masterpiece in the final decade of his life: the last five piano sonatas, the Diabelli Variations, the Ninth Symphony, the Missa Solemnis, the late piano Bagatelles, and the final string quartets.

Friends and family gathered round the bed in his rooms at the Schwarzspanierhaus for the deathwatch. Surgery was performed on Beethoven's swollen abdomen; more than 25 pounds of fluid were drained by tapping, or puncturing, the belly. The abdominal pain worsened and Beethoven stopped eating entirely. The emaciated tone-poet signed his final will on March 23 and took his last sacrament on the following day, lapsing into unconsciousness soon thereafter. Death at long last released Beethoven from the unendurable pain.

Thousands of mourners lined the streets of Vienna for the funeral procession to the Wahring cemetery. The composers Hummel, Czerny, and Schubert served as pallbearers or torchbearers. The poet Grillparzer wrote a poignant funeral oration, which was delivered at the burial by the actor Anschutz.

Easy Cooking: Bean-Couscous Salad

2010-03-21T11:45:00.000-07:00

It's spring, time to roll out simple recipes to make and take to potlucks and barbecues. I've made a version of this salad for many years, using different couscous mixes and veggies for a great vegetarian dish that can double as a main course because of the beans. You can, of course, cook up dried beans instead of using the canned. But I find the latter to be perfectly fine for this recipe and much less work, thus fitting the category of easy cooking.

Be sure to add chunks of fresh tomatoes when they're in season. Other additions or substitutions might be asparagus, avocado, artichoke hearts, green bell peppers, celery, and carrots. Basic couscous can be used, but the seasoning packet included in the various mixes adds good flavor.

Note: My recipes entitled Easy Cooking include more specific directions for those who are new to cooking. Not to say the recipes aren't for experienced cooks. I use them all the time and I consider myself to be an experienced cook.

1 package toasted pine nut couscous (Near East is a good brand)

1 1/4 cups water

2 tablespoons butter (or margarine if you're vegan)

3 tablespoons olive oil

2 tablespoons fresh lime juice

1 teaspoon rice vinegar (or what you have on hand, except balsamic which darkens couscous)

1/2 teaspoon ground cumin

1/2 teaspoon sugar

1 bunch green onions, chopped (most of tops, too)

1 red bell pepper, seeded and diced

1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro

1 cup frozen corn kernels, thawed

1 can (16 ounces) black beans, drained and rinsed

1 can (16 ounces) garbanzo beans, drained and rinsed

Salt and pepper to taste (go low at first and add as you need)

Bring water, margarine and seasoning packet from couscous to a boil in a medium saucepan. Stir in the couscous, cover the pan and remove it from the heat. Let stand for 5 minutes.

In a large bowl, whisk together the olive oil, lime juice, vinegar, cumin, and sugar. Add green onions, red pepper, cilantro, corn, and beans. Toss mixture to coat beans and rest well.

Using a fork, fluff the couscous well, breaking up any chunks. Add to the bowl with the vegetables and mix well. Season with salt and pepper. Serve immediately or refrigerate salad until ready to serve.

Serves about 8.

A Shaggy Dog Tale

2010-03-15T17:05:00.000-07:00

I went to the Social Services office this morning to sign up my dog for welfare.

The woman at the desk said, "Dogs aren't eligible to draw welfare." My eyes widened.

I replied, "My dog is unemployed, lazy, can't speak English, and has no clue who his dad is. He expects me to feed him, provide him with housing and medical care, and to feel somewhat guilty that he was born a dog."

She looked through her policies and procedures manual, trying to track down requirements for qualification. After about ten minutes of reading, she put down the manual and looked up at me.

My dog gets his first check on Friday.

Dying With Deliberation

2010-03-12T12:01:00.000-08:00

We can't choose when we're born. However, with luck, we can choose when we die. Of course, accidents and short-term illnesses void any chance of deciding our day of death. But long-term illnesses can be ended when we want in three of the United States and certain other places, including Zurich, Switzerland. I live in Oregon, one of the three states with a law that allows assisted suicide, a definite plus for living here, I think.

A recent Frontline report on PBS showed an American man who elected to escape his life of suffering by going to Zurich to participate in Dignitas, an assisted suicide program. He chose the day he wanted to die. His wife helped him to make arrangements because he was suffering from ALS, aka Lou Gehrig's Disease. He couldn't use his hands, he could barely speak and he was paralyzed.

Frontline showed the doctor who signed the prescription for the lethal cocktail and two men from Dignitas, one who would help to administer the drugs and one who made sure all went as promised by the organization. It was amazing to watch all of this unfold, everything from how attentive his wife was to the man's wishes, to how gentle the man who gave the drugs was, to how peaceful the surroundings were (although a bit seedy in a Zurich apartment house).

At the agreed-to time, the man was given a drug that would allow his stomach to receive the fatal drugs. Without that drug, he would simply throw up the stuff he needed to end his life. That drug and the next one were nasty, he said, and he asked for apple juice. He took the juice and drugs through a straw because his disease prevented him drinking from a glass. It took several attempts for him to get down all of the special cocktail, with sips of apple juice in between.

Finally, it was done. He asked for his choice of music to be played -- Beethoven's 9th Symphony. He had been told the drugs would put him to sleep within four or five minutes. It didn't take that long. After only a minute or two, his eyes started closing. Next his head fell toward his chest somewhat. But it was several minutes longer before the man who had given the drugs examined him for a pulse and said he was gone.

Swiss law dictates that a film be made of the entire episode to demonstrate that the man chose to end his life, that he turned off the switch to the machine that provided air to his lungs, that he said he wanted to die. The police were called immediately after and an investigation started, as prescribed by law. How deep such an investigation is can't be known, but it's my guess that a file is opened and closed quickly.

The main advantage the man had in going to Switzerland over being assisted in suicide in the U.S. is that here (at least in Oregon) such a person must be within six months of dying and there are fewer and fewer physicians who will sign off on such an effort. We have our wonderful pets "put to sleep" (don't you love that euphemism?) because we don't want to see them suffer. Yet we continue to see our loved ones, our family, ourselves, suffer without wanting the same. How much religion plays in such thinking is unknown, at least to me, but I would guess it figures in quite heavily. I can only hope that will change -- eventually.

One more reason to end it all by way of assisted suicide is to put a stop to paying horrendous fees for hospital stays, tests, and medications. End-of-life tactics can run into the hundreds of thousands of dollars, if not the millions, all for nothing, just a few more days, weeks or months of physical and/or mental suffering. Cremation is starting to push aside the traditional casket, in-ground burials. It's time for assisted suicide to replace the traditional procedures we have now, which is expensive and still terminal.

Easy Baking: Irish Soda Bread

2010-03-06T10:56:00.000-08:00

This easy-to-make bread, named for the baking soda you mix with the flour and buttermilk to make the bread rise, is good any time of year, but it's perfect for St. Patrick's Day because it's considered to be the bread of Ireland. I make it almost every year for my Irish husband. Occasionally, I will buy smoked salmon and Irish cheeses to serve along with it. However, most of the time we eat it with sweet butter for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It will stay fresh for up to two days.

No special equipment is needed, not even a bread pan. The soda bread bakes up crusty on the outside, moist on the inside. As always, use the freshest ingredients.

4 cups all-purpose or bread flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon sugar

1 1/2 cups buttermilk

1/2 cup raisins

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees and have ready a lightly floured baking sheet.

Place the flour in a large bowl with the baking soda, salt and sugar. Mix together with a fork. Pour in the buttermilk and raisins. Stir the mixture with a wooden spoon until everything comes together. Knead the ball on a floured board for a few seconds and then put the dough on the baking sheet.

Cut a deep cross on the top, all the way down the sides. This lets the bread rise evenly. Bake at 425 degrees about 45 minutes or until it's nicely browned and it sounds hollow when you tap it on the bottom. Place the baked bread on a rack to cool or slice immediately.

Major Faults in Earthquake Reporting

2010-02-28T10:28:00.000-08:00

I don't know whether any of you had the misfortune to see Geraldo Rivera's evening show on Fox News the day of the Chilean quake. He has to be the single worst professional journalist on all of television: he is inappropriately chummy in interviews, often calling guests "bud" or "pal"; he is grossly uninformed on virtually all scientific matters; he is prone to using phrases and figures of speech that titillate and give a completely mistaken impression; and he habitually brings poor guests aboard--quite often those who have absolutely no knowledge of or background in the story's subject (in this case, earthquake and tsunami science). He leers and smirks, feigns crocodile tears, licks his chops, and caps everything off with an appalling punchline. He is insufferable. I hate to say it, but he seems right at home on the Fox network.

Rivera's show on the Chilean quake and tsunami was filled with the most unimaginable and irresponsible pseudo-science and quackery. The rest of it was a baffling series of non sequiturs. Herewith a sampling:

What happened in Hawaii was a tsunami "false alarm."
A quake of magnitude 9.5 will sooner or later occur in Southern California.
Sediment seen off the coast of Hawaii the day of the quake was transported from the coast of Chile.
No tsunami occurred that day in Hawaii. It "passed them by."
The tsunami in Sumatra and Thailand in 2004 was only 8 feet high, but "pushed several miles inland."

I think this garbage requires the scientific community to publicly correct Rivera and Fox news. This bumbler does too much harm.

I'll tell you who was impressive--scientifically--that evening. His name is David Shuster and he's on MSNBC. In his questions to guests and his comments to the viewer, Shuster displayed a solid layman's understanding of earthquake and tsunami science, light years ahead of any of his colleagues at MSNBC, Fox, or CNN. Even his more casual verbiage throughout the broadcast revealed an awareness of important scientific distinctions (such as that between Richter and moment magnitude).

I betcha he's read Susan Hough's book Earthshaking Science.

Musings

2010-02-22T11:33:00.000-08:00

My stress levels hit the roof this past weekend when I did our yearly taxes. While our returns are rather simple compared to many, they're ridiculous enough to make me very angry. For example, in figuring how much of our Social Security is taxable, I must do a full-page worksheet that is perhaps the most disgusting form yet for the IRS. You take one half of one line, add it to another line, then multiply that by .85 percent, then take the smaller of that line or the other one and add to a line at the top of the page, etc. For your own amusement, check it out on the irs.gov web site. Further, I think all income tax rules and regulations have been written for some particular person or entity. There can be no other reason for such nonsense. A flat 10 percent tax for every person and corporation would solve this and perhaps many of our financial problems. And it would greatly reduce one government department. By the way, do any of us think that either political party will ever reduce government? Federal employees vote too, you know.

Americans constantly decry human rights violations in China. There are, of course, such problems there. At the same time, a recent story shows that the Chinese actually might think more about endangered animal species than American environmentalists do. A man in China shot and ate the last Indochinese tiger in a certain part of the country, if not the entire country. He was sentenced to 20 years in prison and those who helped him cut up and eat the animal were sentenced to 3 or 4 years. Do you think that would have happened here? Never. He and they would have been put on probation at the most with no real punishment for eliminating one of nature's beautiful animals. Yes, I'm an animal lover, but I'm also a person who believes in delivering proper punishment to those who break laws meant to protect citizens. Eliminating one species of animal breaks the delicate chain that will ultimately affect everyone left on the planet.

I'm enjoying the Winter Olympics. True, I liked the every-four-years event better when I thought the participants were mostly amateurs, not the millionaires who compete these days. Still, I was on the edge of my seat at the end of the 30 km cross country, men's figure skating, and men's speed skating. No interest at all in the hockey, halfpipe, skeleton, or super G. And please tell me why anyone with a DVR or even an old VCR would sit through the Olympics with all the ads and not record the shows to watch the next day? In fact, I can't imagine why anyone would watch any ads with the equipment available to cut them out.

Recently, a story in our local paper featured a woman who said she had to hit up area food closets to supplement the $640 per month she received in food stamps to feed herself and three small children. If that woman knew how to cook, she wouldn't need the food closets. The food stamp amount is more than enough to feed her family. It's my guess that she buys prepared foods, cold cereals (wonder if her kids have ever eaten oatmeal), boxed entrees, expensive meats, and so forth. She could cook beans and rice and make everything from burritos to huevos rancheros. She could slow-cook inexpensive meats in a crockpot with fresh vegetables and serve it all over whole-wheat noodles or brown rice for several meals. She could make pots of soups and stews. Cooking is a lost art and it's such a shame, not only because people don't eat as well as they once did but because financially it can be a disaster. We all pay for the laziness of others.

Crime and Punishment

2010-02-21T13:55:00.000-08:00

I pass the local high school often. Today, I saw a sign hanging on the chain-link fence: Minor drinking, major problems.

It didn't cost much--maybe $15. It was one of those vinyl banners reinforced with stitching. The printing can be done anywhere.

But it's of no value whatsoever. Who but a prattling social-engineer lefty would think it effective? Who believes most "public service announcements" on TV or radio are effective? There is only one way to stop teens from drinking and driving: the sure threat of swift and severe punishment. And even that only lowers the likelihood; it's no guarantee. But it's the only hope society has of decreasing the number of drunken teen drivers. People who are hell bent on engaging in some irresponsible activity are not going to see a banner hanging somewhere or watch a PSA and suddenly see the light. But they might--they just might--curb their inclinations if they know of a certainty that they will be punished severely if caught.

So instead of hanging banners and playing touchy-feely with beer-filled 17-year-olds, let's start sending them to jail for a year AND revoking their driving licenses for ten years. Let's see what preventive effect that has on the skyrocketing numbers of drunken driving "accidents" (and let's stop calling them accidents and start calling them crimes).

Of course, severe punishments have an even greater value than crime prevention. Such punishments also remove the reliably violent idiots from our midst so that the rest of us have a slightly better chance of enjoying long, happy lives.

These are draconian times; they require draconian punishment for violent crimes.

Tiger in the Lions' Den

2010-02-19T11:21:00.000-08:00

Why is everyone in such a hooha over Tiger Woods? He's front-page news everywhere because he apologized. Does everyone really care about his marital shenanigans? The press feeds our own prurience and turns millions of us into crazed voyeurs and exhibitionists. We have no actual stake in the relationship between Tiger and his wife.

Cover his performance on the golf course. That's of genuine, legitimate interest. But this other business is only of wide value if he's running for political office. Otherwise, who cares about his character? As far as we know, he's not a felon. He's just a jerk. It's time for the whoring news outlets to cover something with actual news value.

Easy Money: Limited Government

2010-01-27T19:52:00.000-08:00

Just heard the Republican response to President Obama's State of the Union speech. Governor McDonnell of Virginia again pushed the Republican mantra of limited government, running away from big government, whether it's state or federal.

I agree with McDonnell. And I think the first place to start with limiting government is to eliminate the governorship of Virginia. Any politician pushing for limiting and eliminating government should look no further than his own office to delete from the political landscape. None of the governors -- or congressmen, for that matter -- is necessary. Who would miss any of them, either party?

What a great way to cut the budgets of state and federal government. In my state, the small legislature meets only every other year. We think that's enough for them to do harm to us. If they didn't show up for their jobs, we'd all be better off.

You've only been in office 11 days, Gov. McDonnell, but that's enough. See ya.

Do You Hear Us Now?

2010-01-21T13:22:00.000-08:00

Tone-deaf Democrats whine and moan about this week's Massachusetts loss for Senator. Their excuses range from them (the majority in both houses of Congress) not passing health insurance reform to Martha Coakley being a poor candidate to voters simply not understanding the issues. While it's true that some of those reasons are plausible, there are other more important ones.

Listen up, Democrats, starting with President Obama. YOU HAVEN'T DONE A DAMN THING FOR ANY OF US IN THE PAST YEAR!!!!!!!! That's why Coakley lost and Republican Scott Brown won. How can you expect anyone to vote for you when you do nothing? I believe that many voters in that state really didn't want to vote Republican. But what other choice did they have? With the two parties controlling everything, a vote for a third-party candidate would have been wasted.

I'll list a few things you, the Democrats, haven't done, but which voters elected you to do:

1) End two wars. The day President Obama announced sending more troops to Afghanistan was the day I knew we weren't going to get the change we believed in.

2) End Don't Ask, Don't Tell. What kind of a disgusting, bigoted law is that?

3) Protect the environment. Naming Colorado rancher Salazar was plain stupid.

4) Not bail out big banks. Coming out this week with rules for the banks is too little, too late because you've done everything for them for a year.

5) Not bail out Detroit automakers. We don't want their cars. Let them fail.

6) Consider, even briefly, making an attempt to do something for your base. You lost your base in Massachusetts. It was all about the base for the previous administration and Congress and it worked for them for quite some time.

7) Do what you could to help people save their houses. After all, your friends in the banking and mortgage industries were largely responsible for people getting loans they shouldn't have in the first place. Barney Frank and Chris Dodd share major blame in this area.

8) Do something about jobs. The stimulus program was too slow and covered everything from simply giving raises to government employees to installing insulation. I mean, what the hell?Where are the jobs? It's a year late, but doing something now would be a start.

President Obama, it's time to stop with the speeches and get to work. Like your predecessor, you spend too much time out on the golf course. The difference, however, is that Bush had Dick Cheney to do his work. For some reason, you've shoved Vice-President Biden back to his Naval Observatory residence and you rely on speeches to keep voters in line. We're tired of speeches.

If you and the Democratic Party don't change your way of doing business in Washington this very instant, you've only just seen the beginning of a complete revolt come November. It's not a possibility, it's a certainty. Will you hear us then?

Fixing a Fault in Quake Reporting

2010-01-14T10:38:00.000-08:00

There's a major scientific error in a side article on the Fox News page about the Haiti earthquake.

In one section of the article ("Earthquake Science: The Haitian Quake Explained"), the following statement is given about earthquake magnitudes: "Since magnitudes are given on a logarithmic scale, a 7.0-magnitude earthquake would release 10 times as much energy as a 6.0-magnitude temblor."

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Somebody -- geologist or (more likely) reporter -- is asleep at the switch. The increase in energy released from a 6.0 to a 7.0 (or any single whole number on the magnitude scale) is about THIRTY-TWO (32), not 10.

You see this mistake made a lot in news reporting after a big quake like the one in Haiti. The AMPLITUDE of the measured waveforms is what increases by a factor of 10 with each magnitude step. But the energy release -- and therefore the destructive capacity -- is much greater.

Easy Money: Thrift Store Shopping

2010-01-10T12:12:00.000-08:00

I used to be a thrift store shopper, always looking for an item to finish off or add to a collection. I tend to wear my clothes until they are almost threadbare, therefore I always bypassed the clothing aisles. Then again, I'm not sure the selection would have been as good as it is now. So many of today's consumers seem to buy so much more than they need. Depending on how you look at it, that's unfortunate for them but fortunate for stores like Goodwill, Salvation Army, St. Vincent dePaul, and independent thrift stores.

Have you shopped at a Goodwill or Salvation Army store in recent years? If you haven't, you're wasting your money, especially if you like to buy designer clothes or even well-known, less-expensive brands. Of course, the majority of clothing at such stores might not fit into these categories, but an increasingly larger portion of it does these days.

Just in the past month, my son bought the following at Goodwill stores in Southern Oregon: Bruno Magli wallet, new (99 cents); Pendleton long-sleeved shirt, new ($3); Bostonian black dress shoes with full leather lining, look new ($8); and Eddie Bauer long-sleeved shirt, new ($3). He bought some great-looking items with a value of more than $300 for less than $15 paid out. And even though it isn't a famous label, he also bought a great-looking, new Leather Works jacket for $5.

Yes, you must check frequently to get such buys. And occasionally you'll find a flaw when you get the item home. Still, anyone looking for real bargains, trying to budget wisely while wanting name and quality, can find thrift stores offering something new every day. For myself, I don't find shopping to be as much fun as it once was. But if those cravings ever return, I'll be hitting such bargain-wise stores.

One more thing: My son visited friends in Sacramento recently. While there, he browsed area Goodwills, which sold what he described as "beautiful suits and ties."

Fatty, Fatty, Two-By-Four

2010-01-05T12:40:00.000-08:00

A dating site for beautiful people has dropped thousands of those looking for love because they gained weight over the holidays. When the registered "beautiful people" posted their new photos, with the extra pounds easy to see, the founder expelled those he called "the fatties."

It's his site, therefore he can do with it what he wants. But I must ask, why would beautiful people need a dating site? Wouldn't they be able to simply walk down the street and potential mates would fall at their feet? If people are using beauty as the only criterion for finding a partner, wouldn't this bunch of gorgeous folks be the first to be chosen and in no need of such an impersonal dating mechanism?

Tell me why this dating site exists. What am I missing here?

Where the Boys Are

2009-12-31T17:05:00.000-08:00

My niece has come up against a formidable foe -- her 12-year-old daughter. She, the daughter, pushes and pushes, all to be with one boy after another. Today's 12 is the '50s 15.

First, my niece discovered a 13-year-old boy at their house, with her daughter, when no one else was home. She and her husband kicked him out, grounded their daughter and took away all of her electronics for a week or two. As far as they know (and that's always debatable), the daughter hasn't been with the boy since that episode.

Next, a boy in her seventh-grade class was sending what my niece described as inappropriate texts to her daughter. The police got involved with that one and his numbers were blocked at a cost to my niece's phone bill. More grounding, more withholding electronics.

The latest episode -- all have occurred since the beginning of this school year -- involves a 15-year-old boy sniffing around, telling her to meet him at his house, which she did. They were found out only because my niece's husband went to pick up the girl at school and she hadn't made it back in time. Now she is grounded and without her electronics for two months. A call to the police officer who helped with the last case provided information about the teenage boy, all negative and he's well-known to law enforcement for using drugs.

Grounding or electronics deprivation, neither is going to work on this girl. I believe she can wait it out, no matter how long the punishment. She's very patient. My niece has also been patient, but she's losing this war. She was desperate enough to ask me for advice. I suggested that she consider doing two things immediately:

1) Talk with the school counselor to get a referral to someone who can work with the daughter on a regular basis, to help her see that she's making bad choices and that she must change her way of thinking to protect herself. Yes, I know, her hormones are raging, she wants to be popular, etc., etc. Yes, I know, her parents should be the people counseling her. But what would you do? Things are going from bad to worse. The father has always wanted to be a friend to his children instead of assuming a parental role that calls for really hard work in keeping children in line. To keep doing the same thing and hoping for a better result the next time is pure folly and possibly dangerous.

2) Threaten the daughter with taking on the boys. Tell her that you've tried what you can to get her to see how this is destructive behavior for herself and all she has done is to be manipulative and wait for the punishment to end so she can continue making her bad decisions. Tell her what my grandfather told me. He said if I decided to be with a boy who was a cur, who tried to mess with me, he wouldn't do anything to me. But he would take care of the boy, even to the point of killing him. I was so scared after hearing that, knowing full well that Grandpa would do exactly what he said, that I was very, very careful about who I chose to be around, let alone date. I tried to think about what was best for me -- and others -- as I made my decisions. Of course, there were the frogs, but none treated me badly or gave my grandfather a reason to carry out his threat.

Unfortunately, these days most fathers and grandfathers have fallen into the trap of thinking that they can talk with their children and eventually they'll come around to knowing what's best for themselves. There are those children, of course. However, my thinking is that most of them, like children have done forever, learn to lie to get their way, learn to maneuver their parents in all directions, and, perhaps worst of all, think they're invincible. Parents must be forever vigilant and do what's best for their children, always being aware that the children rarely know what's in their own best interest.

Any ideas? No corporal punishment suggestions for the girl, please. My opinion is that it's not a safe disciplinary method and ultimately it can cause more harm than you might think.

Cooking the Books

2009-12-04T18:20:00.000-08:00

With the wide variation in climate over the Earth's long history (the Earth has warmed and cooled many times), cooler heads (ahem) should look at any specific claims about climate trends and their causes with healthy skepticism. Given the computer models used to predict warming, the United States should be unwilling to commit any significant resources based solely on those predictions. We simply don't know enough about climate mechanics to create credible models, and that is demonstrated by the inability of the models in use to "predict" observed behavior.

Given that the proposed actions to thwart the questionably predicted climate changes are expensive (and unlikely to be effective, even if we know where the climate is going), it makes no sense to take any action at this time. And if we do begin to find credible evidence that the climate will change in a predictable manner, we might then consider whether it makes more sense to attempt to change the climate dynamics or, instead, to adapt to the change.

There are degrees of scientific credibility that can be demonstrated through good practice with full public disclosure. Global warming alarmists haven't met that standard. In fact, they've demonstrated a disdain for good science, and we didnt need the leaked e-mails to prove it.

The consensus among global warming activists is that we must coercively reduce the production of greenhouse gases. The proposed actions will have little effect on the concentration of carbon dioxide, compared with natural causes and the emissions of developing nations. Think of all the strato-volcanoes throughout time that have erupted, throwing trillions of cubic tons of carbon dioxide, sulfur dioxide, hydrogen sulfide, hydrogen chloride, carbon monoxide, metal chlorides, and ash into the atmosphere. The effect on climate from volcanoes over the past several billion years dwarfs the effects people wreak from burning fossil fuels. The global warming activists fail to make a prima facie case for applying their proposed remedies. Even if I accept all they say as fact, their conclusions don't logically follow.

Coercive proposals are floating through Congress (stalled, fortunately) as we speak, and many "evironmental" groups and a large percentage of the Democratic Party advocate coercive measures to limit greenhouse gas emissions. Al Gore traffics in deception and the duped call him a prophet.

Easy Cooking: Meatless Meatloaf

2009-11-18T12:25:00.001-08:00

This is a recipe for you hard-core vegetarians, the type, who like myself, want to eat something that tastes like meat every now and then. I say hard-core also because those who like to dabble in vegetarianism or who are just starting to eliminate meat from their diet might not think this sort-of-meatloaf satisfies their meat-craving desires.

While the texture is different from what you call meatloaf, remember that each one of the real thing differs from the next. The meatloaf I made for many years, until I eliminated all meats, used ground chuck (when ground beef came from real cuts of meat and not a combination of who knows what). My mother used ground pork along with regular ground beef and my grandmother added sausage to hers. To season my meatloaf and bind it together, I used eggs, oats, chili sauce, onion, and other good stuff from my pantry and refrigerator. One time it was chopped bell pepper, another time capers, maybe leftover spaghetti sauce instead of chili sauce, and so forth.

This recipe, much different from my familiar, conventional meatloaf, is one I adapted from a Kellogg's version created for and by Seventh-Day Adventists. (John Harvey Kellogg was Adventist.) Amazingly, Special K cereal, chopped nuts, cottage cheese, eggs, and seasonings mix together to make a respectable facsimile of the old-fashioned favorite. There is one special product you should have for this and that is the chicken seasoning powder. I purchase it at ABC (Adventist Book Center). You don't have to be an Adventist to shop there. I'm not. If you don't have such a store near you, look for the seasoning in a natural food store or co-op. If you can't find any, onion soup mix will work.

By the way, the ABC stores stock some great ersatz meat products. My favorite is their dinner roast. And I'll be serving their smoked turkey roll next week for Thanksgiving along with gravy made from a mix they sell. Beyond that, I'll make stuffing as I always have (using water for the chicken broth), cook up fresh cranberries for sauce, mash potatoes, and bake pumpkin pies. It will be vegetarian -- not vegan -- and delicious, I assure you.

But for now, here's my meatless meatloaf recipe.

1 onion, chopped

3 tablespoons vegetable oil

5 eggs

5 cups Special K cereal

1 cup chopped walnuts

1 pint lowfat cottage cheese

3 tablespoons powdered fake chicken seasoning (I use McKay brand)

1/4 cup ketchup or chili sauce

Salt and pepper

Few drops Tabasco sauce

Saute onion in oil. Beat eggs lightly in large mixing bowl. Using a large wooden spoon, stir in the cereal, walnuts, cottage cheese, chicken seasoning, onion, ketchup, salt, pepper and Tabasco. Mix well.

Spoon out mixture into 9x5-inch loaf pan that has been sprayed with Pam. Press mixture into pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour and 15 minutes. Remove from oven and place pan on cookie rack to cool for about 20 minutes. Turn meatloaf out to slice or slice it in pan. Makes about a dozen slices.

Note: If you don't have Special K, corn flakes make a good substitute.

Simple Gifts

2009-11-15T14:58:00.000-08:00

'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free,
'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be.

-- Simple Gifts (1848)

The ways we Americans can honor and support our troops are nearly beyond counting. Care packages, letters, military family support, gift certificates, books, DVDs, groceries, cell phones, clothes, rehabilitation programs, blood, scholarships, vocational training, videoconferencing facilities -- there are literally hundreds of ways to volunteer time and donate money, goods, and services to the military and their families.

The Military.com Web site provides a huge list of organizations that need everyone's help. You'd be surprised just how easy it is to give something -- even if you're low on cash or time.

Do you have an old cell phone you don't use anymore? There's an organization called Cell Phones for Soldiers that needs used cell phones. CPS pays for calling cards for the troops -- a great idea (www.cellphonesforsoldiers.com).

You can give blood at the American Red Cross Armed Forces (www.redcross.org/) or the Armed Services Blood Program (www.militaryblood.dod.mil/).

Give something. It's easy -- and it helps. Every little bit helps the people who spend months away from their families and friends stateside.

See www.military.com/benefits/resources/support-our-troops for an extensive list of volunteer organizations.

Old Hollywood and the Detection Tale

2009-11-13T19:05:00.000-08:00

Which classic-age tales of detection would I have wanted filmed in the studio era?

1. The Four Tragedies of Memworth (Lord Ernest Hamilton). Chinamen and a multiple murder make for a rousing and convincing tale.

2. Murder Must Advertise (Sayers). The problem here would have been, How to film the migraine in Chapter 4, the funniest and most palpable migraine description in all literature?

3. An Oxford Tragedy (John Cecil Masterman). A German law professor solves the crime: a don shot dead.

4. Case of the Seven Whistlers (George Bellairs).

5. The Congo Venus (John Canaday). Women missionaries and a cover-up in an excellent story.

6. The Body in the Silo (aka Settled Out of Court) (Ronald Knox). The monkey could have been as big a star as Lassie.

7. The Nursing-Home Murder (Ngaio Marsh and Dr. Jellett). With the possible exception of Death in a White Tie, the best Marsh; the "nursing-home" is actually a hospital operating room.

Centralization in Los Angeles: A Taxing Lunacy

2009-11-09T14:08:00.000-08:00

Los Angeles is raising its taxes -- again. This time, it's to "pay for" various infrastructure projects (scheduled for completion in 30 years) and to "create jobs." Create jobs? Liberals -- whom I will henceforth refer to by their correct name, statists -- will nickel and dime us all into soup lines, while forcing their collectivist philosophy onto us by creating more and more government agencies until the entire civilization closely approximates the experience of an afternoon at the DMV.

I say let all of us keep most of our money. Let the private sector create jobs. Let it create innovation. Let it create newer, safer, and more efficient technologies. And most of all, let it pay for its activities out of its own profits.

Want to see something scary? Follow this link:
http://www.usa.gov/Agencies/Federal/All_Agencies/index.shtml

I don't need an Agricultural Marketing Service -- who does?!

Look at what we're all paying for, decade after decade. There are hundreds of these nincompoop, do-nothing government bureaus. Statists want more and more of them. I look at this list and I scream inwardly, over and over. It's a nightmare that never ends, an eternal anxiety attack.

Office of Government Ethics?! http://www.usoge.gov

When the statists call their immoral and coercive actions "ethics," it is even more sophisticated satire than anything you can read in Swift, Pope, or Voltaire.

Finally, We're Talking About Death

2009-11-05T11:24:00.000-08:00

No longer do funeral homes have a monopoly on selling caskets. Walmart now offers the highly decorated coffins in its stores. While you're browsing for books, bedding and beans you can cruise down a nearby aisle and pick out a casket which you or your loved one -- at some time in the future -- will lie in forever.

Being that Walmart is selling them (urns too) -- Costco also sells caskets on its website -- low prices mean you should have your choice of velour instead of velvet, polyester instead of silk, plastic instead of brass. Why shouldn't you be able to get a bargain in caskets and urns like you do in pills and pizza?

It may take awhile until people are totally comfortable talking about caskets, but it will happen. And none too soon. For far too long, like forever, people have shied away from discussing death, allowing directors of funeral homes to keep everything pretty much a secret. And they, in turn, have relied on grief to bring families around to paying exorbitant fees for everything from the plot to flowers to caskets. We can't choose anything about our birth, but we can choose a few things about our death. And seeing our final resting containers in familiar stores, at reasonable prices, should help make the talk of death less scary.

Tuesday: A Day In Infamy

2009-11-01T15:56:00.000-08:00

Upstate New York's election Tuesday, Nov. 3, is a very important one. I am predicting that the Democrats had best reconsider their strategy if the conservative candidate wins that seat in the House.

The Republican has withdrawn from the race, endorsing the Democratic candidate this weekend. The reason for such a strange endorsement is no doubt because ultra-right-wing conservatives like Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann have campaigned or endorsed the conservative over the Republican, who they consider to be too liberal. If your kids read Harry Potter, you're too liberal for that bunch.

My real prediction comes from a belief that if the conservative beats the Democrat, it will send a signal to Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity and other hell-bent-for-leather conservatives that all Democrats are vulnerable and all they will need to do is send out armies of like thinkers and the elections will be won by their ilk. I think they're right.

Unless Obama abandons his idiotic plans to send more troops to Afghanistan, brings home a brigade a month from Iraq (his campaign promise), overturns Don't Ask, Don't Tell (a campaign promise), actually does anything he promised -- all before the elections a year from now -- the Democrats will lose their majorities in both the House and Senate.

This is serious stuff, liberals and progressives. Nothing can be taken for granted. And remember that the other side hates more than we do, an emotion that tends to make them stronger and more determined to win. Get off your lazy cappuccino drinking, sushi eating, hybrid driving butts and start now to counter what's only beginning on Tuesday. Or 2012 will be a cakewalk for the conservatives -- but maybe not the Republicans -- and Obama will be a one-term president.

Those are my predictions.

One more thing: What good is it to have a majority in the House and Senate when our so-called representatives act like a bunch of school children who are constantly mooning for the cameras? What a bunch of idiots. While I detested George W. Bush when he was president, at least he made up his mind and told the Congress to get him what he wanted. This bunch, from the president on down, look like wimps who can't decide how far to go on anything because they're so afraid of offending their big contributors. Where is the change?

Easy Cooking: Crab Cakes

2009-10-28T17:57:00.000-07:00

One of the most expensive seafood dishes in restaurants is crab cakes. In appetizer or main-course size, you're lucky to find two crab cakes for under $10. They can easily be much higher and yet they are so simple to make at home. The recipe that follows is the one I've been using for years.

Lump crabmeat is expensive, but a cup and a half can make many crab cakes. Sweet Dungeness crab is what I like to use, but any kind will work. Best place I've found crabmeat is Phil's Fish Market in Moss Landing, Calif. Otherwise, look for it at your favorite fish counter. Always smell it before buying. If it's in a vacuum-packed container, ask the person behind the fish counter to open it for you and let you smell. No aroma at all is the best.

For the breadcrumbs, I use Panko, also referred to as Japanese breadcrumbs. However, any unseasoned breadcrumbs will do. I recommend using only real mayonnaise. Because the amount of fat and eggs is different in any jars except the real stuff, the crab cakes could fall apart as they're handled and the flavor won't be as wonderful as it can be.

1 1/2 cups dried breadcrumbs

2 large eggs, lightly beaten

1 1/2 pounds lump crabmeat, picked over for cartilage

1 bunch cilantro (leaves only), finely chopped

4 green onions, finely chopped (green tops too)

1/2 red bell pepper, seeded and finely diced

1 cup mayonnaise

Salt and pepper

Gently mix together all ingredients. Form the crabmeat mixture into patties, much the same size as hamburger patties. Heat your favorite oil in a large frying pan over medium-high heat until hot, but not smoking. Cook the crab cakes on each side until they're browned. Turn them with a spatula and be careful that they don't fall apart. They will be very delicate. Drain crab cakes on a plate lined with a paper towel. Serve them immediately.

Makes about 15 crab cakes.

Note: The same recipe can be used to make salmon cakes, substituting canned wild salmon for the crabmeat. Reader John commented that he cooks up fresh salmon for his patties. Great suggestion, John.

The Tower of Babel

2009-10-23T19:18:00.000-07:00

Texas newspapers report that Dallas police officers have written about 40 tickets to people for not speaking English. Presumably, these people were pulled over on the road. They were driving. Once the police chief learned about this, he dismissed all pending citations and reimbursed anyone who paid a fine.

"I was stunned that this would happen," the police chief said at a news conference.

There is no law requiring Dallas residents to speak English, but how do police officers perform their work (which often involves communicating with the public) if they can't be understood or can't themselves understand? When a police officer asks you a question (in the line of duty), you'd better answer him. It's essential that he be answered. It's impossible to expect our police -- government employees who keep law and order in our behalf -- to be able to communicate in any language other than English, our national tongue. The fact that thousands of police officers do indeed speak other languages and routinely use foreign languages for the benefit of citizenry and non-citizenry alike is only a bonus, a favor. Let's keep state business in English, or crucial decisions and split-second communication will degenerate into a Tower of Babel.

Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over?
- ¿Dónde estoy?

Sir, you were driving 10 miles over the speed limit in a school zone.
- Yo vivo con mi madre.

Miss, would you mind showing me your registration and driver's license?
- Toi se quay lai ngay.

I'm a police officer. Please keep your hands on the steering wheel, where I can see them.
- Lotfan yaddasht konid.

Ma'am, I notice your right tail light is out. You need to get that fixed.
- Je m'en fiche. Au revoir.

Pedophile Polanski Doesn't Deserve Compassion

2009-10-14T16:36:00.000-07:00

Don't know what took me so long to hear about Whoopi Goldberg saying that Roman Polanski didn't "rape-rape" the 13-year-old girl many years ago. But now I've heard and I must say that Goldberg, as well as actresses Melissa Gilbert and Debra Winger, who agree with her, go against what's best for young girls, in effect showing disrespect for children.

Of course, I don't know why any of the women said what they did. But it's my guess that both of them like to think that guys like Polanski just make mistakes when they rape young girls. Maybe they like his movies. Frankly, I don't care what their reasons were. They're just plain wrong in condoning the actions of Polanski. He managed to get the charge of rape dismissed, but he admits to drugging and sodomizing the girl. Isn't that enough?

Wonder what each woman would be saying if the girl had been her daughter. She's someone's daughter, you know. Beyond that, anyone under the age of consent is innocent. No matter if a girl wears tight, short skirts and says yes, she cannot consent to sex of any kind. She isn't old enough to know what's best for herself. And in Polanski's case, I believe her and not him. She said he repeatedly raped her and his admitted sodomy shows a real sickness on his part beyond the violent action of rape. Any man who chooses to rape or sodomize someone deserves the strongest penalty possible because he has changed a life forever by his violence.

I get really disgusted when I hear people blame innocent children for actions taken against them. The recently discovered kidnap victim Jaycee Dugard is another example. I've read where some think she could have left, she could have done this or that during the 18 years she was kept captive. She is the victim, an innocent girl when she was kidnapped. Use your energy to try to get laws changed to put away the likes of Dugard's kidnapper and Roman Polanski. America's girls deserve nothing less.

Eyes on the Peace Prize

2009-10-09T08:09:00.000-07:00

Surely one of those Chinese dissidents, who were also nominated, would have been more deserving than the political leader of the United States?

I don't know what they give the Nobel Peace Prize for, but why give a $1.4 million prize to a sitting president? Isn't that person, by definition, feted enough as it is?

It all sounds like Employee of the Month stuff. We've all worked for companies that rewarded the executive team more than the rank & file, and we've all rolled our eyes at it. A president who is attempting to negotiate treaties -- peace, trade, etc. -- with other countries is, after all, just a politician doing what he is already being paid to do.

Give the Peace Prize to people who are genuinely putting their careers and even their lives on the line, I say -- not to bureaucrats who concentrate on nothing so much as their own re-election.

NOW Slow To Condemn Letterman's Actions

2009-10-08T11:39:00.000-07:00

Why did it take NOW, the organization that claims to be for women, almost a week to say anything about David Letterman's actions toward women? NOW should have come out blasting him the next day.

It seems the late-night host had been having affairs with subordinates for years -- all women, I assume. He was their boss, deciding if they would stay in their jobs and whether they received raises and bonuses. Which women do you think were promoted? How many talented women left because they didn't want such a man pawing all over them? How many were fired?

Of all things NOW has espoused over the years, have you ever heard them talking about the harm such affairs do in the workplace? Or how the greatest percentage of affairs must surely be a male boss and a female subordinate, with the female's job almost always on the line? Wouldn't you think NOW might be concerned about such entanglements? Never can it be a good idea for a boss and a person who reports to him to be involved in an office romance. I've written about this before on my blog.

NOW should be demanding that someone other than CBS investigate Letterman's actions. Is there any labor union at CBS or Letterman's company, Worldwide Pants? If so, where is it in this? Would it not be a good idea for NOW to work with the union in this matter?

It was difficult to watch Letterman confessing on his show last week, hearing the audience cheer and clap when he said he had sex with his staff over the years. Yes, the audience was there to expect jokes. But couldn't they have discerned the difference between a creepy, old guy talking about getting it on with women who worked for him and a tawdry joke? It seems that NOW thought it was all a joke too.

Run-Up To Firing Gardener Worse Than Act Itself

2009-10-07T11:54:00.001-07:00

I don't know how they do it. I'm referring to people who have to fire others, whether they're employees or employed for various positions. If firing people were part of my job description, I'd rather be doing almost anything else to earn a living.

Last week I fired the man who ran the gardening service we hired four years ago. He's a nice man, as is his employee who actually mows and trims our yard. But he rarely came around to check on what needed to be done, and his guy would mow dirt if that's what was there instead of a green lawn.

Still, it was a tough few weeks leading up to the firing. I would lie in bed at night, thinking about what I would say, what he might say, how I would respond, on and on. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but I thought I should tell him why. Then I decided what the heck. Just fire him and get on with life. That's what I did.

A part of me hoped he wouldn't answer when I called. Then I could say my few words to the voice mail and that would be that. But he answered. Quickly, I told him it would work out better for us if we switched to someone else. I thanked him for his service and wished him well. I didn't tell him that he left our yard looking like something I might have hacked at with a machete. I didn't tell him that he must have saved large amounts of money by not spending it on fertilizers and insecticides. I didn't tell him that we had to regularly spray large patches of weeds because he didn't.

There are those who would say that I should have told him what he did wrong so he doesn't repeat it with other customers. He knew what he was doing. I would list what needed to be done -- all ordinary jobs for a gardening service -- and I'd call him. Eventually, he would come do some of them, telling me later that he might have overlooked some things on my lists, citing reasons that rarely made sense. Maybe it's a game he plays, sort of like seeing how long it takes before a customer has had enough, doing what's expected at just the last moment so he won't be fired. This time he waited too long and pushed me too far.

Anyway, ever since I fired him I've been getting great sleep. No more lying there thinking about the conversations that would never be. The new gardener starts today. I have my fingers crossed.

Lunch at Aunt Hattie's, A Story Just Beginning

2009-10-02T17:25:00.000-07:00

Flannery O'Connor is one of my favorite writers. When I decided to make an attempt at writing fiction, I let her style guide me. Not to say, of course, that my first fiction story at all resembles her wonderful prose. Rather, I tried to create colorful characters O'Connor might have wanted to feature in one of her books or tiny tales.

When I say I wrote a first fiction short story, actually it's the start of a fiction short story. I leave it to you to continue the story. Now is your chance to take the characters I've created and lead them in the direction you want.

Here is my story start. Please do give us your words to finish or continue this story. Have fun with it.

Lunch at Aunt Hattie's

Dressed in her Sunday best navy blue suit with white buttons, Janey Marie Newbrough lies in repose in the parlor of Aunt Hattie's funeral home. Her viewing isn't for another three hours, enough time for Aunt Hattie to make soup for lunch.

Aunt Hattie's white, traditional, two-story, clapboard home, on the corner of Benton and Carlisle streets in the Ozark mountain town of Calhoun, is not only her home but also the town's single remaining funeral home. Aunt Hattie, known by that name everywhere in town, stirs the vegetable soup in her cast iron pot, which is filled almost to overflowing. She uses only the freshest vegetables picked from her garden in the back, bordering the now-empty chicken coop. It's early autumn and the vegetable choices are limited, but she finds enough for the soup. And amazingly there are a few red tomatoes for sandwiches to round out the lunch menu, along with sweet iced tea and buttermilk pie.

"Doing OK there, Janey Marie," she asks, absent-mindedly turning toward the casket in the living room.

Running a funeral home full-time takes all the energy Aunt Hattie can muster. She isn't young anymore, 82 on her birthday last month. Her arthritis acts up daily, and her once-erect posture now more closely resembles someone looking at the new pair of shoes she just put on. The kids are grown and lead their own lives far away from the funeral home. Taking care of Calhoun's dearly departed grows more tiresome each day. Her husband Jess died years ago and she misses him greatly, not only for the work he did in their business, but also for the companionship and the caring he so generously displayed.

Today, Aunt Hattie wants everything to be first rate for her company. Never mind that Janey Marie's viewing will occur shortly and townspeople will be streaming through to pay their respects to a woman who was not only known to so many through community connections, she also taught most of them in the small schoolhouse just blocks away. No need for Aunt Hattie to be involved in the viewing other than to provide the location for it. That gives her the freedom to keep her mind on lunch.

Louise Kathlyn and Lynnie Renee, Aunt Hattie's cousins two times removed, soon will arrive from downstate. She wants to make them as comfortable as possible, knowing that Lynnie isn't the most relaxed person around the dead, especially when one is lying only a few feet away from the kitchen table.

Further, it doesn't help the atmosphere when Ellie Mahoney, clearly the oldest resident of Calhoun, is raking the leaves out back. Shrunken and stooped, she is clothed in a black ankle-length skirt and long-sleeved shirt, with her long braids peeking out beneath a tall bonnet. She looks more like someone from the end of the 19th century and perhaps more likely to be in a box in the parlor than moving about outside. Janey Marie in the parlor and Ellie out back do not exactly contribute to the surroundings Aunt Hattie had in mind for her family, who only visits every 10 years or so.

Lynnie walked in the front door. Without missing a beat, she blurted out, "How nice. A stiff in the parlor and a crone from the Taft era out back will really enhance our enjoyment of lunch, Hattie dear."

Easy Cooking: Pumpkin Nut Bread

2009-09-19T14:21:00.001-07:00

Canned "pumpkin," one of the best convenience foods in grocery stores, languishes on shelves 10 months of the year. While it can be used anytime, cooks simply don't think about using it except around Halloween and Thanksgiving. Too bad. Pureed and ready to use in recipes calling for cooked pumpkin, it can be used to make pie, cake, muffins, cookies, pudding, and bread.

About the quote marks around the word pumpkin: Canned pumpkin is really canned squash in most brands. For many years, pureed winter squash (hubbard, banana and the like) has been pawned off as pumpkin in cans labeled solid-pack pumpkin. It makes good breads, etc., but be aware that it's not pumpkin, which is actually a gourd.

To be sure you're using pumpkin in your pumpkin nut bread, you can cook up your own pumpkin puree from a fresh one. It takes a bit of effort, but not a lot. Cut a small (not baby) or medium pumpkin in half vertically, and scoop out the seeds. (Save seeds to roast for snacks, if you want.) Place the two pumpkin halves, cut-side down, on a Pam-sprayed baking sheet. Bake at 450 degrees until you can easily pierce the pumpkin or until it collapses, usually 45 minutes to an hour. Scoop out the pumpkin flesh and place in a food processor or blender. Blend until smooth and use as you would canned pumpkin. Note: Don't use the mammoth cow pumpkins. The pulp is stringy and doesn't make good puree. And don't use the carved Halloween pumpkins. Once they're cut and allowed to sit around, they acquire bacteria on the cut surfaces.

To learn how to roast pumpkin seeds, go to allrecipes.com and type in roasted pumpkin seeds. Other cooks give their hints for getting the pulp off the seeds before roasting, a necessary preliminary step.

Now for the bread recipe. Back when I made food gifts for Christmas presents -- and when I drank coffee made with drip grind from a can -- I used the coffee cans for baking the bread. Now I use regular loaf pans, the nonstick kind. If you want to give the breads as gifts, consider too the mini-loaf pans.

2/3 cup canola oil

2 2/3 cups granulated sugar (honey or brown sugar may be used, but the bread will be a different texture)

4 eggs

1 can (about 1 pound) pumpkin (Libby's is most familiar brand and size may be 14 or 15 ounces)

2/3 cup water

3 1/3 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

2 teaspoons baking soda

1 1/2 teaspoons salt

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1 teaspoon ground cloves

2/3 cup chopped walnuts

2/3 cup golden raisins (dark kind OK)

Heat the oven to 350 degrees. Have ready two Pam-sprayed 9x5-inch bread loaf pans.

Using a large wooden spoon, beat the oil with the sugar until mixture is creamy. Beat in the eggs, pumpkin and water. (If you use an electric mixer, keep it at low speed so the eggs won't be overbeaten.)

Stir the flour with the baking powder, baking soda, salt and spices. Stir into the pumpkin mixture. Stir in the nuts and raisins. Spoon the batter into the prepared pans and bake until a toothpick inserted in the center of the bread comes out clean, about 1 hour. Let the breads cool in pans on wire racks for 5 minutes, then turn out on racks to cool completely.

Each loaf makes 10 to 12 slices. Serve the bread plain, with cream cheese, or with lemon or lime curd. Watch this blog for a lime curd recipe soon. It's a great way to use more of Nellie & Joe's Key Lime Juice that you might have left from making the Key Lime Pie I included earlier on the blog.

Feeling Sick Isn't Fun Anymore

2009-09-02T12:47:00.001-07:00

When I worked for a living, being able to take off a day because I had a headache or cramps made the day -- and whatever illness -- better. No getting dressed up. No commute. No dealing with editors. Just sitting (or lying) on the couch and reading a good mystery.

The first 20 or so years I was employed at the newspaper, a company nurse would come to the house of any employee who called in sick. The boss called the nurse who then drove to the employee's house where she said her job was to see if she could provide any assistance to the sick one. Sure it was. She carried nothing more than a thermometer and aspirins. Her job -- and we all knew it -- was to check up on us. Were we really at home? Were we really ill? How ill? Could we return to work the next day?

The company also employed a doctor. If we became ill at work, we were to go see him. He could diagnose, give us a few pills, and most of the time we could resume working. It was all about keeping the employees at work so the newspaper could be printed and delivered.

Eventually, the doctor and his office disappeared. The nurse remained for a time until she and the manager of the cafeteria were caught taking hams and turkeys, bought with company money, to their cars after work. A fitting end for the company nurse, who made her living primarily by ratting out her co-workers.

These days, I'm retired from that company. When I'm sick, there's nothing good about it. No calling a number, then settling back with the knowledge that I'm getting paid for doing nothing. No being happy that my co-workers had to work and I didn't. The past 10 days or so, I've been dealing with an illness that, for now, is undiagnosed. Why is that? For various reasons, I suppose. Mostly, it's because I don't want to enter the medical system. Without knowing what I have, there would be one test after another. Frankly, I just don't feel like dealing with all of it.

Meanwhile, I have some good mysteries at hand, iced tea ready to pour, plenty of OJ and soup, and ginger capsules when I feel a bit out of whack. What's missing is the elation I used to feel when I knew I didn't have to go into work. Retirement is great. However, there are things that it lacks, things that only those who enjoyed being sick on a work day can understand.

Peter Bogdanovich: The Party's Over

2009-08-28T21:11:00.000-07:00

Noises Off, a 1992 film adaptation directed by Peter Bogdanovich and based on a riotous stage comedy written by Michael Frayn, is a crabbed contraption. I don't think Bogdanovich will ever make a really funny movie, but he keeps trying. (He tried in the early 1970s with What's Up, Doc?, starring Barbra Streisand and Ryan O'Neal, Bogdanovich's inane attempt to revive the breezy knockabout style of 1930s comedies like Bringing Up Baby.) Maybe Bogdanovich thinks he has succeeded in making a bunch of Howard Hawks or Preston Sturges comedies, but he falls short -- like a character in one of his comedies tripping over a telephone cord.

You watch a Bogdanovich farce and you chuckle two, three, maybe four times. But something about his work is so flat -- I can't put my finger on it. The actors -- Michael Caine, Carol Burnett, Denholm Elliott, John Ritter, Marilu Henner -- are trying their darnedest in Noises Off: running around with their pants falling down, slamming doors, carrying plates of sardines and all that paraphernalia of continental farce of the Feydeau era. They're all huffing and puffing, earnestly, but everyone's timing is a little off.

Bogdanovich's pacing is way off. None of these gags builds the right way. Laughs go flat one after the other. The painful thing with a badly done farce is that, owing to all the door-slamming and gags, you know exactly when you're supposed to laugh, so you also know how often the movie fails if you just keep a tally going every ten minutes or so, and you start getting fidgety. The tally grows rapidly throughout the film. Bogdanovich comedies are no fun at all.

Take Two Aspirin and Call Me in the Up-and-Up

2009-08-23T09:19:00.000-07:00

This "debate" about healthcare coverage gives me a headache.

Everyone on TV is talking in vagueries, in generalities, in meandering non sequiturs. People should talk about what they themselves want -- in straightforward, plain English.

I'd like to be able to buy my own insurance policy on the open market -- a policy that offers me roughly the same level of coverage that I get from my group plan at work, and for about the same price. Let's say my employer takes $200 out of my paycheck each month to pay my premiums for the group plan. I'd like to keep that $200 myself and use it to buy my own open-market plan, one that would travel with me as I move from job to job (voluntarily or involuntarily), so that I wouldn't have to turn down good jobs with minimal or no coverage and I wouldn't have to sign up for the expensive COBRA program if I'm laid off. Most important, I wouldn't have to worry about being denied coverage because of a pre-existing condition.

By their nature, of course, group plans are less expensive than individual plans. But I'd be willing to pay more by a third or even a half if it meant I would never again have to worry about losing coverage after a job loss or major illness. I also wouldn't have to worry about the no-benefits "enrollment period" most employers require after I get a new job.

What do you want from healthcare itself? I want hospitals, clinics, and physicians' offices to use Internet technologies -- like basic e-mail -- to administer patient records, including tests and procedure reports. It's a scandal -- it's pure idiocy -- that we patients have to contend with illegible photocopies of hard-copy documents which have to be hand-carried back to our GP or on to our next specialist. Why can't those hard copies be scanned and then attached to an e-mail to both the patient and his other doctors? This takes mere seconds. The amount of photocopying, snail-mailing, and hand-carrying that's required in this day and age is ridiculous. Physicians and clinics pay their front-office help to prepare all that -- which takes ten times as long and is ten times as prone to error as it would take to scan and attach electronically.

I also want competition. I want two, three, or four endoscopy centers (where an assembly line of patients is processed) to vie for my business when I need an endoscopy. I want to be able to call each of them to ask for the fee. Let physicians, outpatient clinics, and hospitals compete in pricing for my business. That's the only fair and reliable way to handle what is, after all, a business transaction.

The Long, Hot Summer of Craziness

2009-08-17T15:52:00.000-07:00

Lots of silly things going on and being talked about these days: death panels, killing Grandma (Grandpa must already be dead), Socialist health care, the Birthers, bailouts, co-ops, government-run whatever, Cash for Clunkers, never-ending wars in the Middle East, Big Pharma. So many subjects, but it's the health insurance reform debacle -- don't call it health care reform -- that I'm ranting about today, at least in part.

1) Anyone who is now receiving Social Security and Medicare -- and who rails against a public option for health insurance for those under 65 -- should stop receiving such benefits. They should call the proper government office and cancel their benefits. For Social Security and Medicare Part B, it was necessary for those receiving them to apply for such benefits. No one forced them to take either. They're receiving money from a government-run system, health

insurance from a government-run system, both based on a Socialist system.

Social Security, in particular, was based on a similar program in Socialist Germany. Of course, I have no problem receiving either because I believe in such a system. But when you don't, then stop taking the money. Leave more for me. I trust government workers more than I trust insurance company CEOs to do what's best for Americans. Oh, and don't forget that veterans' health care is also based on a Socialist program.

2) The nutty people out there bitching and moaning about death panels and the like that are purportedly contained in current health insurance proposals haven't seen any of the proposals, any of the five that are still in committees in Congress. Neither have I, but at least I'm willing to wait to see what the final one says. Besides, do any of us really think our democratically elected officials would write a bill that would kill off the old people? Old people constitute the biggest voting bloc, all that really matters to politicians. By the way, kudos to Rep. Barney Frank of Massachusetts for taking on the loonies at his townhall meeting.

3) Then there's this lie that was printed in Investor's Business Daily: "People such as scientist Stephen Hawking wouldn't have a chance in the U.K., where the National Health Service would say the life of this brilliant man, because of his physical handicaps, is essentially worthless." Only problem is that Stephen Hawking is British, has been under the British health plan his entire lifetime, and he has credited that Socialist system with helping him get to this point. Maybe the conservative editors at the publication didn't know Hawking was born in England and has always lived there. Whether they did or not is not the point. What is the point is the lie that they wrote because of ideological reasons and the laziness they displayed by not checking even the most basic facts. I'm not fond of crazy right-wing ideology, but more importantly, I hate laziness and lying, particularly in people who profess to report the news.

4) Why do so many people who complain about wanting to help to cover everyone with insurance, especially having a public option in the process, throw the Second Amendment rights into the equation? Some of them even wear their guns to political events, going armed to public meetings about health insurance reform. I don't believe they're wearing loaded assault-style rifles and handguns because they care about health insurance reform. The only reason to carry a gun is to kill someone or defend themselves. Defend themselves from whom? I don't know about you but I don't want to go to a meeting where idiots getting riled up about this issue or that are standing around armed with guns. Besides, having a right to carry a gun in certain states does not mean it's wise to have a gun in proximity to the president or other elected officials.

5) What's the co-op that's being talked about now, something that seems to have cropped up as a replacement for public option? If I understand it right, it will be information to compare insurance rates, giving us a chance to choose the insurance plan we want. I could put together a web site with that information for no cost at all. Looks like bait and switch to me.

6) One of the southern Republican wing nuts in the House said everyone in America has medical insurance, adding that emergency rooms are there for everyone. I won't even address how crazy she is and how much of a liar she is. What I will say is that by federal law everyone must be accepted for treatment at an ER.

What some may not know is that everyone who goes into an ER receives a bill for services provided. Insurance pays when the patient has it. When the patient does not, he can request a reduction in cost to be able to pay the bill with personal funds. Beyond that, who do you think pays the bill?

The hospital absorbs those costs, including those from illegal aliens, and then passes on those costs to those of us who do have insurance or who pay our hospital bills through other means. Nothing is really free. And once again, the liars are at work doing what they can to keep their insurance and pharmaceutical buddies retain their jobs.

Away from health insurance reform, I want to yell STOP THE BAILOUTS! If Obama and his bunch had given each man, woman and child in America the same amount from the bailouts that started with Bush last fall, each would have received several thousand dollars. How far do you think that would have gone to stimulate the economy? Very far, I think. How far have the bank, insurance and Detroit bailouts gone to stimulate the economy? Not far at all. Don't expect an insurance bailout to do any better.

Next, about all of those southerners who fight everything but corporate welfare (they call it the free market). How did you think the folks of the Confederacy would react to having a black president in D.C.? Did you think Johnny Reb would stand back and say nothing? If you did, it means you've never lived in the south or haven't read about the south. I grew up where drinking fountains and restrooms at the county fair said Whites and Colored. Blacks couldn't eat in restaurants, didn't go to school with us, didn't live in our neighborhoods, couldn't vote, and had to sit in the back of the bus. There were even towns where they had to be out by sunset. In towns and cities where they were allowed after dark, they lived in their part of town, we lived in ours, and rarely did the two meet.

Eventually, federal civil rights laws forced school districts to allow blacks into white schools, businesses started allowing black customers to buy their products, the Voting Rights Act became law, and Whites and Colored signs disappeared. But the thinking never changed. The Civil War rolls on. Those who oppose Obama based on race (and if you think there are millions who don't you're living in la-la land) are looking for anything they can to discredit him. Not to say he hasn't and isn't making mistakes. But these southerners and their sympathizers don't care what he does. To them, it's just not right that a black guy is in their White House.

Finally -- at least for my ranting today -- I want President Obama to get some cajones, at least some bigger ones. He's acting like he's afraid of somebody or some thing. It also sounds like he's too busy entertaining his Chicago friends and traveling the globe to put the efforts necessary for bringing about major change in this country. He ran on change and hope and HE WON. The Republicans were fired. If Obama wasn't going to work hard and try to take us 180 degrees away from the Bush policies, which were so destructive, then I wish he had stayed in Chicago. To say I'm disappointed is an understatement. And listen, President Obama -- I'm not alone. We liberals aren't sheep who will follow the leader no matter what he does, much like was done the past eight years. We can think.

The Charm of the Picture Book

2009-08-02T20:06:00.000-07:00

It may be my imagination -- or my delusion -- but picture books for children (or intelligent adults) seem more often well-written, well-designed, and perfectly charming than today's fiction for grownups. I'd like to wave the flag for a few of my favorites. Head over to Border's, buy yourself a Starbuck's with a shot of vanilla, and plop yourself Indian-style on the floor in the children's book section for awhile. It's a real stress-buster.

Alternating between simple color schemes and yellow and white with black outlining, Madeline's Rescue, by Ludwig Bemelmans, creates juxtaposing moods of straight-laced order and ebullient chaos. Charming scenes of Parisian cobblestoned streets and busy markets, in which the young girls march behind their headmistress (Miss Clavel), in rank and file, contrast with much simpler ink lines in pictures depicting unrest or disorder: for example, a visually "messy" pillow fight and an anxiety-ridden Miss Clavel, who "for a second time that night turned on her light." Here the outline becomes shaky and rapid, and the black and yellow filler is applied boldly. Worth noting, too, is the use of linear perspective: greater size in the foreground receding to a single point. My own favorite scenes are the marvelous illustrations of Miss Clavel running along the hall, her body nearly parallel to the floor, and the stiff upper-lip of Lord Cucuface.

Arrow to the Sun, by Gerald McDermott, is a glorious evocation of the geometric shapes of Pueblo pottery, basketry, and weaving. The colors are southwestern: black, yellow, and shades of ocher, red, and orange, which are especially appropriate to this tale of "the Lord of the Sun." Figures and dwellings are represented with highly stylized and exotic patterns. A vivid surprise is the sudden use of fluorescent pink, blue, and green for the lord and his four chambers of ceremony and the Dance of Life. A beautiful book.

Marcia Brown, in Once a Mouse. . . , uses carved blocks of wood as stamps, dipped in auburn, red, and olive-green, and applied to the paper, sometimes superimposing one image upon another, to create vibrant scenes of jungle life. Her method gives the snakes in the grass and the twigs in the shrubs a transparency; we can see right through the snake and into the tiger's belly! Speaking of the tiger, it is a joyous rendering: The beast is given enormous personality in its frowning, grumpy face and the cat-like twist of its tail and haunches.

Lynd Ward's work in The Biggest Bear contains some of the most humorous depictions of animal naughtiness in any picture book. The famous succession of images in the middle of the story -- first, a small boy feeding an even smaller bear cub, followed by four scenes of mischief (but no bear!), and culminating in a huge fanged and clawed grizzly in the maple syrup -- is deservedly celebrated. Other classic images: the bear's grinning, not-too-bright face above those of the hogs, and the wooden rowboat holding the boy in one end and this enormous but well-behaved shaggy beast in the other, slowly sinking.

Maurice Sendak's Outside Over There is, I believe, the hugely popular illustrator's finest visual achievement, aside from his longer Nutcracker. These splendid water-and-pastel works of art resemble sixteenth century Mannerist painting (note the spectral cloak which Ida is wrapped in, like a figure in El Greco). Sendak's illustrations here are adapted in style to fit the tale, which, like Nutcracker, is filled with much of the weird, shadowy tone and style of the great German Romantic storyteller and critic, E. T. A. Hoffmann. Sendak's other idol, Mozart, is represented also; we see his bust atop the pianoforte in a little cottage on the banks of a brook. Ida's baby sister, who is being carried home from her odd adventure, gazes over her sister's shoulder at the smiling, august plaster head.

Our Favorite British TV Dramas

2009-07-22T13:23:00.000-07:00

Call them dramas, these 10 series of love, intrigue, tragedy, and comedy. But at least a few of them are also a mix of travelogue, historical fiction and family dynamics.

Again, the list is alphabetical, not in order of my preference. If it were the latter, my favorite movie of all time, which falls into this category, would be at the top and not in eighth place. Yes, it's a TV series, the 1995 version of Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice with Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle, pictured. To my way of thinking, this presentation is the best pairing of two actors -- ever.

While P&P is part of my list of 10, it deserves special recognition for its elegance, beauty, acting, and overall great entertainment. Some of the same attributes can be found in the other shows, as well. Check Netflix for descriptions of each.

Ballykissangel
Doc Martin
Duchess of Duke Street
Hamish Macbeth
Jeeves & Wooster
Mapp and Lucia
Monarch of the Glen
Pride & Prejudice (Colin Firth version)
Rosemary & Thyme
Upstairs, Downstairs

Abortion: All Liberals Don't Support It

2009-07-18T10:19:00.000-07:00

Elections are won and lost when the subject of abortion becomes part of the campaigns. And these days it always does. This past week, abortion also entered the health care debate on Capitol Hill with congressmen saying that once abortions are free, even more women will get them. And one nutty Kansas representative even said that if abortions had been free in the 1960s, President Obama's mother might have chosen to abort him.

I believe abortion is today's Civil War issue. There's no middle ground. You're either for it or against it. As for my own view on abortion, it's my guess that many people might misjudge me, pigeonholing me on the wrong side. Because I'm a liberal, people assume I'm for a woman's right to choose. Because I'm a registered Democrat, I'm a supporter of abortion rights. Because I'm a woman, I think women should feel free to choose abortions. Because I'm not religious, I support abortions.

If you expect all of those to be true about my abortion views, you'd be wrong, wrong, wrong, and wrong. I am 100% against abortion. My reasons are many:

1) I don't know how any woman can have an abortion after looking at an ultrasound of a weeks-old fetus moving around in her uterus.

2) I don't accept the "her own body" argument. Yes, the fetus is inside the woman, but she is the keeper, the carrier. She doesn't own that baby.

3) When a woman decides to kill a fetus -- baby, to my way of thinking -- she is making a decision for someone else, someone who has no voice.

4) I believe birth control, not abortion, is the ultimate right to choose. I also believe in birth control beforehand, not after the (f)act. Too many women use abortion as birth control. This is the 21st century, for god's sake! Birth control pills have been around for 50 years. Since that time, many other contraceptives have arrived on the market, obliterating unplanned pregnancies for women who use their heads when they're going to have sex with men. Or, at least, that's the way it should be.

5) Too many women go along with men's pleas to have sex without condoms and the women themselves either are too lazy or have decided not to use birth control because of the slight possibility of side effects. If you haven't learned to say NO, then at least take the damn pills or use whatever kind of contraceptive you want. A few side effects are minor compared with killing a human being. A woman who allows herself to become pregnant when it's something she doesn't want should understand that a baby might be conceived because of her decision. There are consequences and one should not be the life of an innocent baby.

With that said, I want to counter something that the Religious Right, pro-life crowd do -- or don't do. They fight abortions with all of their might. That's their choice and I support them on this one issue. At the same time, once the babies who aren't aborted are born, many of these same people do little to support such children. For example, the Right fights any increases in the Head Start program, and they vote against school lunch programs and welfare increases for poor children. There are even politicians who say hunger inspires children to work.

It's admirable to fight abortions, but you had better decide what to do with children who will be born if abortions once again become unlawful and difficult to obtain. (Remember the orphanages of the past?) There are consequences no matter which way you go. For me, a live, healthy baby trumps just about anything else. And I believe everything should be done to keep him that way once he's here.

Politics as Unusual: Yes, Minister

2009-07-13T09:29:00.000-07:00

I've always believed that some Americans tend to laud British TV sitcoms just because these shows are British. Maybe it's the tony accents that impress us viewers stateside. It could be the pretty countryside, or the Mini Coopers, or the frequency and ease with which the gentlemen actors wear neckties. The PBS audience fetishizes British sitcoms (and BBC literary adaptations, but that's another blog). Maybe the British middle-classes treat American sitcoms the same way.

I love most of these TV comedies, too, for their Britishness. They generally aren't any funnier or more effectively satirical than the best American sitcoms, from The Honeymooners to Sanford and Son to The Mary Tyler Moore Show to All in the Family. But they certainly do have their pull on our affections -- often stronger than the comedies from our own shores.

Yes, Minister is a pinnacle of contemporary satire -- British, American, or otherwise. I came late to it, I guess, thanks to DVD rentals. (If world peace is ever achieved, DVD renting will have something to do with it.) How many TV sitcoms -- even the classics -- would make excellent bedside reading? Of how many of all these TV comedies can it truthfully be said that their naked shooting scripts -- just dialogue and basic action -- are as compelling, amusing, and beautifully written as an Evelyn Waugh novel, or even a (perhaps lesser) Bernard Shaw play?

Yes, Minister relies entirely on dialogue and performances, especially the prodigiously talented Nigel Hawthorne, who speaks the tongue-twisting bureaucratese with easy wit. The series contains practically no physical comedy: no slapstick, no knockabout, and the only visual comedy is the wry looks on the actors' faces. Hawthorne's character, Sir Humphrey Appleby, is every Utilitarian's nightmare: a pompous civil servant, a "moral vacuum," whose jargon, euphemism, and obfuscation bespeak his complete dedication to the means rather than the ends. Hawthorne, who died in 2001, fills out every fold of this baffling, supremely funny character, Sir Humphrey Appleby, who connivingly and artfully manipulates the minister of the (fictional) Department of Administrative Affairs. In every single episode, Hawthorne is an unqualified joy to watch and to listen to.

Ignore Him, He's Funny Looking

2009-07-12T11:18:00.000-07:00

One real deer relaxed for awhile in our garden.

Our Favorite British TV Comedies

2009-07-05T13:38:00.000-07:00

Campy and crazy in the Dame Edna way or irreverent and sacrilegious like Father Ted, the funny shows from Britain beat out their American counterparts, at least for me, Cassandra.

I could describe each show in detail, however you can click on Netflix.com or phill.co.uk for brief overviews. Reasons for choosing my 10 favorites include what I think is superb acting, interesting story lines, beautiful locales (for some), and, yes, silliness. The characters must be ones I look forward to seeing week after week. And perhaps most of all, I must want to see the shows over and over. All too often I enjoy a comedy series when I first see it, but I never have a desire to see it again. For example, I thoroughly enjoyed The IT Crowd and its loony, over-the-top comedy, however once is enough.

Here is my list of those shows that satisfy my qualifiers, in alphabetical order, not by preference. Unfortunately, Sorry! is not available through Netflix at this time.

Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin (photo above)
Fawlty Towers
Keeping Up Appearances
Last of the Summer Wine
Lovejoy
One Foot in the Grave
Sorry!
To The Manor Born
Vicar of Dibley
Waiting for God

Easy Cooking: Key Lime Pie

2009-07-03T13:10:00.001-07:00

Can't claim this recipe as my own. I've used the recipe from the bottle of Nellie & Joe's Key Lime Juice for years. An authentic Key Lime Pie is not green. It's yellow because the Key limes from Key West produce a yellow juice, unlike that from the more familiar green limes. Besides, any Key lime pie that's really green has had green food coloring added.

1 9-inch graham cracker pie crust

1 can (14 ounces) sweetened condensed milk

3 egg yolks (whites not used)

1/2 cup Key lime juice

1 cup whipping cream

1/4 cup sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Whisk together milk, egg yolks and lime juice until mixture is creamy. Pour it into the pie crust. Bake pie in a preheated 350-degree oven for 15 minutes. Remove pie from oven and allow to cool 10 minutes before placing it in the refrigerator.

When pie is chilled, whip the cream with sugar and vanilla until stiff peaks form. Spread over the filling or pile high around the edge. Serve the pie immediately or place it back in refrigerator to serve later. Cut the pie into 6 pieces and enjoy.

Note: I recommend Eagle Brand sweetened condensed milk because it has the perfect taste and consistency for this pie. Don't use evaporated milk because it has no sugar and won't allow the filling to set up. Cool Whip can be substituted for the whipped cream, if you want, but there's nothing like the real thing for this special pie.

Our Favorite Movies: The Golden Coach

2009-06-28T21:00:00.000-07:00

I spent the evening with Anna Magnani and her troupe of actors in the New World, and it's always a great evening when I do. I first saw Le Carrosse d'Or (The Golden Coach) on campus in grad school. The print was in bad shape but I was under this great film's spell from the beginning: the artifice is constructed -- literally and figuratively -- when the actors arrive at the inn and see a dusty courtyard populated by livestock, but transform it into a "proper" stage.

In this movie, propriety is actually a function of the needs and lineaments of art and theater. At first, Magnani wants the golden coach to carry her out of the exhausting microcosm of the actors; money is hard to come by, and the lure of the gold necklace and coach is powerful to the artist, who wants to transcend all mundane, earthbound things. Camilla believes that she's beneath the courtiers not only in social rank but in interest. What I think Renoir is saying is that these creators of theater, in their ability to construct artifice with such color and panache, are far more absorbing than their audience (who are stupid enough to turn their backs on the stage in order to applaud the pompous bullfighter as he strolls in). The movie is doubly ironic, because several of the performances of the actors playing the philistines -- some of the nobles as well as Magnani's tiresome lover Philippe -- are mono-tonous and unsatisfactory.

At the end, Camilla is confronted with the "truth" of her art: the gold and the lovers and the scramble for rank and favor are immaterial to the artist, diversions that prevent her from practicing her true calling, which is -- again ironically -- her only hope of happiness.

Everybody knows Magnani is great in this movie. It's as if she had two or three different performances going on simultaneously, sometimes within the space of a few lines, as if the movement in her face had its own dialog going, playing themes on the actual dialog, the way the Vivaldi themes emphasize and variegate the action.

Depression: Out of the Darkness, Part 2

2009-06-21T14:20:00.000-07:00

In my first post about the progress of my son recovering from major depressive disorder (MDD), I said I had a few ideas about therapies for such an illness. Now it's time to share my thoughts on the subject.

Physicians routinely prescribe pills and counseling sessions and the rest is left up to the person suffering 24 hours a day from the debilitating disease, as well as his caregiver or advocate, if he has one. Unfortunately, depression by its very nature cannot be cured by medications or counseling. And my ideas that follow are not in the area of cure at all. Instead, they're basic suggestions that I think can help during the lengthy, sad time when every move is so critical.

Be aware that I have never had depression. However, I have been the caregiver for my son during the time he endured and survived three long episodes over the past 22 years. I think that it's more important to have a caregiver/advocate for depression than most other illnesses or conditions. And I believe that I am best equipped to see what it might take to move therapies for MDD to the next level. I'm going to concentrate on three areas where I believe medical professionals could provide better resources and assistance.

1. Send patients home with a pamphlet that includes a variety of suggested therapies and information on how to deal with day-to-day stresses. A depressed person may not be in a frame of mind to read such a publication, but the caregiver will find it helpful. Too often, I had to make numerous calls to track down sources for various situations. The all-inclusive pamphlet could include the following recommendations, kept concise, yet complete.

• Physical and mental exercises. Assuming a person knows what to do to help themselves is unproductive and irresponsible.

• Recommended diet. Nutritionists who work with hospitals and physicians have such information (with basic recipes for nutritious meals) ready to go.

• Lists of publications about the disease, starting with Depression for Dummies. Shouldn't everyone know about something so basic? Maybe, but we're not talking about everybody. We're talking about a person with depression. The thought processes aren't the same as they might be for other people.

• Locations for mental health centers and low-cost clinics for those with no insurance.

• Information on where to apply for health benefits for those with no insurance.

• Approximate costs for medical appointments, drugs, counseling, emergency room visits, hospital stays, and other therapies.

• What to do if there's no improvement after a certain time.

Such pamphlets would not have to be printed out ahead, but rather tailored to each patient. It would take only minutes to print and to insert the pages into a two-pronged report folder. Depressed people need all the help they can get in terms of organization because their thought processes focus on things much more basic, such as living through another day.

I find it amazing that, in the 21st century, computers aren't better used to facilitate communications between patients and medical professionals. Rarely is there a follow-up, for example. Even brief emails from the physician or his staff is better than nothing. Computer literate people -- especially the young -- email, text and twitter for communication, whether social or business. It's time to use technology in the medical profession. Sharing files, preferably computerized, is another example. Recently my cat was treated at an emergency veterinarian clinic. I brought her home with far more information about her ailment and how to care for her than what my son received after he spent five days in the hospital with MDD. Plus, the information about my cat was sent to her regular veterinarian for him to use in her further treatment. Not one physician, clinic or hospital shared my son's files with another facility.

2. Give patients DVDs with information that might mirror some of what I suggested for pamphlets, expanded to take advantage of the format. DVDs are cheap to reproduce and a depressed person might watch a DVD when he couldn't read a book. Being unable to concentrate is one of the hallmarks of depression. The DVD should be in conversational English, full of interesting graphics (think Hollywood-style), whatever it might take to inspire someone to do something for themselves to promote recovery.

3. Establish mental health care coordinators in clinics and ERs to work with patients by answering questions and monitoring medications. Many depressed people go to ERs because they don't have anywhere else to turn, especially if they have no insurance. With a coordinator on staff, people might get the help they need to prevent an extended and costly hospital stay. A care coordinator also might help in creating the therapy tools I describe above.

4. Put yourself in the place of someone with depression, especially the MDD variety. How would you like to be treated when you're taken from your safe place, which is usually your home? Wouldn't it be better, for example, to be in a group counseling session where the room is painted a cheery color, the seats are comfortable and the welcome mat is out, than to have the more familiar sterile environment? Trash the "mental health clinic" sign out front. If the clinic is located at 824 Main St., call it the 824 Main St. Clinic. A clinic or office treating physical ailments doesn't hang out a shingle for a "physical health clinic." Words, appearances and attitudes mean a lot.

Treating depression is far different from, say, a broken leg. It shouldn't be handled in the same manner. By thinking differently and reconsidering the fundamentals of therapy, physicians and clinics might one day provide the care depressed people so urgently need and deserve.

Our Favorite Movies: Million Dollar Legs

2009-06-19T14:42:00.000-07:00

This week, it's Million Dollar Legs, directed by Edward Cline, written by the Mankiewicz brothers, and starring W.C. Fields, Jack Oakie, and Lyda Roberti.

Hugh Herbert: "I hope he doesn't lift the other one. I've done all I can do."
Lyda Roberti: "Me, too. I been done all I can do too -- in public."

Jack Oakie: "Hey, will you keep me from being interrupted until I can finish this song?"
W.C.: "All right, sweetheart."

Woof bloogle jig
Mo jig bloogle woof
Woof bloogle ig
Bo ig oogle poof
--Klopstock national anthem, sung to the tune of "One Hour With You"

Klopstock politician: "What this country needs is money."

Million Dollar Legs is sometimes criticized for being old, creaky, diffuse. Nothing is further from the truth. It's constantly funny, deft as a deer (or as a Klopstockian sprinter), and full of invention. It's Dada in its total rejection of logic and rationality, and it's Theatre of the Absurd in its broad humor, wordplay, and general nonsense. It's the equal of Duck Soup (a year or so later), and it's the same style, too. The same writers worked on both movies. Legs even has some of the same (largely buried) antiwar tone (although in both films, the pointlessness is the point).

Did these movies influence theater plays like The Bald Soprano and The Lesson? I don't know for certain, but you can trace a style of non sequitur wisecrack from Herman Mankiewicz (the "Central Park West Voltaire," as Ben Hecht called him) to the Marx Brothers pictures (some of which Mank wrote) to Ionesco and beyond.

Biographizing Vaughan Williams

2009-06-16T17:50:00.000-07:00

I've been burned too many times. I've seen -- we've all seen -- too many dull or tendentious documentary programs about composers. Last night, I watched the very highly acclaimed O Thou Transcendent, a film by Tony Palmer on the life and work of Vaughan Williams. Now I love Vaughan Williams and I'm also a bit of an anglophile, so I figured what could be better? But Palmer has an agenda to sell: to completely strip Vaughan Williams of his English countryside qualities, his elegiac stateliness, his hymnal muse, and his neo-Elizabethan spirit.

In principle, that's an admirable goal. I'm sure that Vaughan Williams criticism has suffered from that Hey-Nonny-Nonny view of his music as merely a collection of refashioned folk tunes (what Harold Schonberg referred to as Ye Olde Tea Shoppe mode). A useful corrective was probably needed -- one that put more emphasis on this great symphonist's more prickly and dissonant music. But the agenda in this very long (too long) film was shoved down our throats. Palmer's impetus is that the composer saw such horrors in the Great War that his music was forever afterward marked by fatalism and despair, some of which is "hidden" by Tudor flavor and nationalism.

So the three-hour film -- which certainly should have been drastically edited (it dragged terribly in parts) -- contains numerous scenes (many of them repeated) of wartime atrocities and social unrest, practically none of which has any clear relevance to Vaughan Williams. This stuff is troweled on to the point of tiresomeness and ultimately revulsion. What's left? Dozens of interview clips, some of which are cute (secretaries, old friends, family) and many of which are trite or dull (the writer of a relatively recent biography, and pop stars like Richard Thompson and the Pet Shop Boys). The music itself was played only in spurts -- the film could have used a lot more music and a lot less blabbing from the biographer, who wanted to sell us a Vaughan Williams every bit as concocted and reductive as the earlier view of the gruff old folk-tune collector in his tweed and cap. It's historical and aesthetic revisionism of a tired and ultimately pointless sort.

One sees the same situation with critical biographies of composers. Take the Maynard Solomon biography of Beethoven. I once heard someone say that the book wasn't Freudian (maybe he just meant that it wasn't overly Freudian). But my goodness! Not Freudian?! Solomon's whole agenda, which underlies every aspect of his biography, including his music analyses, is that Beethoven suffered from an Oedipal conflict, and furthermore that this conflict expressed itself in Beethoven's relationships with his father, his brothers, their wives, his nephew, his patrons, his friends, his music, the royal houses of Europe, autocratic French generals, publishers, and even figures from ancient history! You can't get much more Freudian than that. To whom could such an overtly Freudian interpretation of an artist's life be quite so interesting these days? The vogue for such readings has passed or abated, one would think. Nevertheless, there is Maynard Solomon, analyzing every strand in Beethoven's creative and psychosexual life as if it were a medical marker for deep-rooted textbook neuroses, all expressing the Oedipal conflict with dear old dad.

I like my biographies -- films or books -- when the biographer steps back a bit and moves the subject of the biography forward.

Depression: Out of the Darkness

2009-06-11T10:53:00.000-07:00

My son M has had three bouts of major depression, one at age 20, another at 25, and the last started when he was 40. In between each episode that lasted 4 months the first time, 6 months the second, and 18 months most recently, he was happy, healthy, fit, working full-time, enjoying life. Contrary to popular thinking about major depressive disorder (MDD), and how you must work on gradual improvement, almost in a matter of minutes he recovered and he has been able to pick up his life where it left off when he was hit.

The insidious disease struck one night in November 2007. Following right behind was its familiar sidekick, agoraphobia. Both disappeared 6 weeks ago. How and why we really don't know. That can and may be debated the rest of my life. The important part is that now he is out on his own, walking miles a day and swimming hours a day at the Y to get in shape to go back to work.

M stopped taking his anti-depressant (Fluoxetine, which is generic Prozac) immediately. (For more than a year he also took generic Paxil.) After another 2 weeks, he stopped taking his anti-psychotic and anti-anxiety drugs (Seroquel and Lorazapam, which is generic Ativan). For awhile after he stopped the heavy drugs, he took an over-the-counter sleep aid each night and an antihistamine for allergies. Two weeks ago, he stopped taking those, as well. He's completely drug-free after being on the life-altering medications for all that time. (I'll post more later about anti-depressants and their debilitating side effects.)

When M first came down with depression in 1987, he was hospitalized for 3 weeks (suicide prevention, no real therapeutic value). In 1992, another 3 weeks in a hospital (again to prevent suicide and nothing of substance for recovery). This time, 5 nights in the hospital at a cost of $10,000 with no medical insurance. (The hospital wrote off the cost because two nurses and a doctor had incorrectly told M the county would pick up the bill when he hadn't even applied for county benefits.) Following the hospital stay were appointments with physicians at a low-cost county clinic in our town, drugs, drugs and more drugs.

I've had plenty of time and opportunity to evaluate treatment of depression, whether it be from medical professionals, hospitals, clinics, or drugs. I believe such therapies fall into the infancy stage. Got depression? Take pills. Got agoraphobia? Take pills. Threatening suicide? Take pills. Stronger and stronger pills. I believe it's going to take a full study, not funded by drug companies, to come to terms with the best therapy for those with depression. I have my own ideas on such therapy and will share those at a later time.

For now, I'm just relieved that my son is still alive and is doing what he thinks he should to continue with his life in the best way possible. I told him, and I absolutely believe this, that he's the strongest person I've ever known or even read about. To live through something so horrible and now be able to go to stores, walk around town, swim, eat well, and enjoy everyday things, is beyond anything he and I could have hoped for during those darkest of days, about 550 of them.

Get Well Soon, Clive

2009-06-07T11:21:00.001-07:00

Easy Cooking: Roasting Snow Peas

2009-06-04T16:33:00.000-07:00

Steaming and stir-frying are the most familiar ways to cook snow peas. But I find roasting them brings out a wonderful sweetness that you don't get from the first two methods.

After rinsing them with cold water, grab and pull out the tough string that runs along the side of each pod. If you find the super-delicate pods, without the string, at farmers markets (or from your friend's garden like I do), all the better.

Spread a layer of snow peas on a nonstick baking sheet. (It's OK if they touch each other.) Drizzle olive oil over and sprinkle with salt. Bake at 400 degrees for 10 minutes. They won't be crunchy, however they need this amount of heat and time to create the caramelization that I like.

I serve them with no further embellishments although you could sprinkle on lemon juice, if you want.

Fresh Ideas for Sacramento Bee Corner

2009-05-31T14:34:00.000-07:00

Latest plan by McClatchy Co. to make money -- publishing newspapers doesn't seem to work these days -- is to sell the employee parking garage at the Sacramento Bee. According to publisher Cheryl Dell, the sale is "part of our ongoing review of all company assets in response to the challenging economy."

I have three ideas about how McClatchy can help its bottom line at 21st and Q Streets in Sacramento:

1. Restore the Buffalo Brewery. Actually, not a new idea. Conservatives long have wished for this in response to the Bee's so-called liberal editorials. The beermaker occupied the site and some of the existing Bee building for years prior to McClatchy buying it and bringing in the presses. People may not be buying newspapers, but they're still buying beer.

2. Start a brothel. The guards could remain to direct customers. Second-floor executive offices and the newsroom could house the top earners -- just like before. Editor Melanie Sill describes herself as "an advocate of fresh thinking on fundamental ideas" -- natch.

Sills also said, "We do need thinking in our newsrooms and organizations that is inherently entrepreneurial -- i.e., who's our audience, what are we doing for them, how do we provide value." Who would be the audience for the brothel? Politicians (Sacramento is a government town, after all), talk-show hosts, former newspaper editors, transients. What would they be doing for their audience? Obvious. The value? Average at best.

With this entrepreneurial effort, at least Bee employees will leave their careers and the building knowing where former top management will be spending the rest of their working days.

3. Tear down the building and put up a parking lot. Like the brothel, rates would be by the hour.

If you've got better ideas, send them to 21st and Q, Sacramento, California.

Ten Things I Won't Do In My Lifetime

2009-05-31T13:09:00.000-07:00

Climb to the top of Mt. Whitney
Eat blowfish (torafugu)
Skydive
Read Ulysses by Joyce
Swim the English Channel
Study ancient Greek
Drive through the Khyber Pass
Travel to Beijing
Bungee-jump
Sing at the Met

Rollin' On The River

2009-05-30T10:22:00.001-07:00

A shot of the jetty in Moss Landing, California, near Monterey. Clifton took this on one of our many vacations in that area.

Cats and Their Dizzy Disease

2009-05-24T12:21:00.000-07:00

Just like every day for the past eight years, our sweet little cat, Charlene, was eating and sleeping well, playing with her toys, looking at her birds out all the windows in our home, enjoying life. Then, in a matter of a minute or so one night last week, she couldn't stand, her head tilted, her eyes couldn't focus, she vomited, she cried out, and she became limp. We had seen all the same symptoms in other cats we had, but at the end of their lives after long illnesses.

We called our vet's office in a panic. It was 10 p.m. and we expected to get an answering machine. Amazingly, a real person answered, said she would call a vet, and 5 minutes later one called. She said to bring her in, to the 24-hour, 7-day-a-week veterinarian clinic in our town. After a battery of blood tests, x-rays and medical exams, plus the knowledge that she was an indoor-only cat with no access to toxins, the emergency and critical care veterinarian diagnosed Feline Vestibular Syndrome or Idiopathic Vestibular Disease.

She described it as the peripheral vestibular system, which is a part of the control center for a cat's balance and located deep within the inner ear, getting out of kilter, all of a sudden and for no apparent reason. It causes a cat to become disoriented, nauseated and trying hard to find the horizon with its eyes that are going back and forth. Dizzy Kitty is a common term for the disease.

Charlene stayed in the clinic for two nights, a drip IV inserted in one of her front legs to administer fluids and Meclizine, a Dramamine-like drug, which countered the seasick feeling she was experiencing. We were told her other symptoms would mostly go away in 2 to 3 days without other treatment.

She remains a bit wobbly, but she's eating and drinking almost like normal. She's still on Meclizine, 1/4 tablet each night for awhile. Her typical escapades of running through the house and playing furiously with her toys will have to wait until she feels better. Complete recovery takes 2 to 3 weeks and the disease typically doesn't return. Anesthesia has been known to trigger another flare-up, but it's not common.

The internal medicine veterinary specialist said he could not say 100% certain that she has the disease instead of something far worse. However, because she has responded to food, walks almost as good as before, focuses her eyes, and holds her head up straight, he has pretty much ruled out a brain tumor, which could display the same symptoms.

I wanted to post about what happened with our little Charlene so other cat people could become aware of this crazy disease. If your cat exhibits similar symptoms, maybe you won't be as scared as we were. Still, only your vet can tell you what is really wrong and immediate treatment is advised.

For more information: http://www.cathealth.com/vestibular.htm

Jane Austen and Zombies

2009-05-17T11:26:00.000-07:00

Clive, were you involved any way in mixing zombies with my beloved Jane Austen for the book, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies? I just heard about this book, but it's been on the Amazon best-seller list for awhile. Seth Grahame-Smith gets credit as the author, however I see your zombie-loving fingerprints all over it.

My favorite book of all time, Pride and Prejudice, has been plagiarized, then expanded by many writers over the years to include kids the Darcys had in later years, relatives they acquired, and livings bestowed upon subsequent generations. And now we have zombies roaming the idyllic English countryside with Elizabeth Bennet slaying them with as much moxie as she used to get her Mr. Darcy. While it might seem kind of exciting for some readers to enjoy the action as zombies maneuver English life and customs, I recoil at the horror of anyone messing with my delightful characters.

Supposedly, the book is about 85 percent Pride and Prejudice with 15 percent reworked to bring in the zombies. An example of the prose:

"He lumbered toward Elizabeth at an impressive pace, and when he was but an arm's length from her, she plunged the dagger into his chest and pulled it skyward."

Not my Elizabeth! She would be picking flowers, tying ribbons to broad-brimmed hats or trying to defend her outspoken family against idle chatter in the village. Not a zombie hunter is she. Rather, she would turn to Mr. Darcy, her knight on a white horse, to take care of the drooling, limb-shedding zombies. I have no doubt he would make quick work of them and off he would go to scoop up Elizabeth in his arms. If anyone is going to pair zombies with my Pride and Prejudice, at least get the story right.

Easy Cooking: Cassandra's Sesame Noodles

2009-05-14T12:03:00.000-07:00

Clive, I know you don't like cold pasta salad, which might best describe this dish. If you must, you can serve it hot immediately after making. I find, however, that refrigerating the noodles overnight intensifies the flavors. Take noodles out of refrigerator an hour before serving.

1/4 cup light soy sauce

1/4 cup rice vinegar

6 tablespoons cold water

1 tablespoon sugar

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons peeled and minced fresh ginger

1 teaspoon minced garlic

6 tablespoons smooth peanut butter

3 tablespoons sesame oil

1 teaspoon hot chili oil

1 box (12 to 16 ounces) linguine, cooked al dente and hot

3 scallions, thinly sliced (green part too)

Chopped fresh cilantro

Toasted sesame seeds

Put the soy sauce, vinegar, water, sugar, salt, ginger and garlic in a blender container. Process on high a minute. Add peanut butter and process a minute longer. With blender running on low speed, drizzle oils in through hole in lid until all is well mixed.

Place drained noodles in a large bowl and toss with the sauce. Refrigerate noodles overnight. An hour before ready to serve, remove noodles from refrigerator and let sit at room temperature. To serve, garnish with scallion, cilantro and sesame seeds. Serves 6 to 8.

Note: If you don't have chili oil, use a tablespoon of olive oil with a few sprinkles of dried chiles, the kind you use on pizza. And if you have only regular soy sauce, omit salt in recipe.

Dom DeLuise, One Of My Favorite Foodies

2009-05-06T13:33:00.000-07:00

He was one of the big ones, in size, personality and talent. He was also a terrific cook and a really nice man. Sometime in the '80s, I interviewed Mr. DeLuise (calling him Dom seemed so godfatherish) at the Fairmont Hotel on San Francisco's Nob Hill. He was there to give a cooking demonstration as part of a promotional tour for one of his books. As he whipped up a pasta dish, he joked and laughed, bringing a few of the press up on stage with him. I smiled today as I read his obituary and recalled how much he enjoyed living, making sure others were included in it with him. Bon appetit, Mr. DeLuise.

Through the many years I wrote about food, I saw the good and the bad. I'll leave the ugly for someone else to write about. In general, food celebrities engaged us and we enjoyed our assignments. A few of my favorite cooks, chefs and food personalities included Paul Prudhomme (a real sweetie), Pierre Franey, Jacques Pepin (loved his French stories), Margaret Fox, James Beard, Biba Caggiano (loved her Italian stories), Orville Redenbacher, Martin Yan (loved his Chinese stories), Euell Gibbons (nutty and nice), and Lee Bailey. As for some of the others, well, let's just say there are stories to tell. Today, I'm writing about my experiences with Julia Child and Martha Stewart.

Julia wanted to give as little time as possible to an interview. Her handlers warned us about subjects we couldn't mention, her husband being one in later years. I interviewed her several times in San Francisco, at places like Macy's cookware department and hotel ballrooms. But the last time I saw her was in Sacramento at the local PBS station. She was there to hawk a new book. Hunched over, but still almost 6-feet tall when she stepped out of the limousine, she brushed past us to go before the cameras. The press interviews after the show were held in a small meeting room, with about 10 minutes allowed for each of us. You could tell she didn't want to be there. When I left after my 10 minutes, I felt exhausted because getting answers to my questions had been incredibly tough.

An interesting tidbit about Julia: One fall I had been sent to cover a conference in the Missouri Ozarks. A few of us food writers got together after one of the sessions and talk turned to Julia. One food writer (name intentionally omitted) said she and a few others had been invited to Julia and Paul Child's home for tea a year earlier. They were served tea -- and Goldfish; yes, the yellow snack crackers. The great Julia Child had opened a bag for her guests.

Martha Stewart started out OK, but through the years became more reserved and less willing to suffer newspaper food writers. The first time we talked was when her book, Entertaining, was published. She talked about her home in Westport, CT, her catering business, and her table settings. Her manner was warm and I couldn't wait to make some of her recipes. She was new on the food scene, but so refreshing.

The next time I saw her was at the Stanford Court Hotel, also on San Francisco's Nob Hill. She met me after having breakfast with NY Times food writer, Craig Claiborne. Martha swept up to my table in a full-length dark mink coat, arm in arm with Craig. It was all business, get to it, move on. So I did. A couple of years later, I was assigned to get a story about Martha's latest food activities. This time she was demonstrating her culinary skills at a cooking demonstration at Robert Mondavi Winery in the Napa Valley. Can't remember what she made. After she finished, we food writers were to dine with her and Margrit Mondavi, Robert's wife. While the tables were being set up, I saw Martha sitting by herself under a big tree alongside the reception building where we were to lunch. No other food writers were nearby. Unlike many other foodies, Martha didn't draw people to her for small talk. But I saw an opportunity to have the famous Martha Stewart all to myself, without an appointment. She answered all of my questions, briefly, but any warmth had long left and Martha was, I think, saying what she thought I wanted to hear. Still, I believe she is one of the most talented cooks of all time.